Discover Yourself...

"I was 12, an only child of my parents, dreams in my eyes, thoughts rushing through my mind, not many friends to share, when a pen and a paper became my closest mates and I started to write poems, stories, articles and I went on & on & on. This is how I discovered my love for an unconventional interest that gave me nothing but immense pleasure. 7 years after I jotted down my first poem, my first article got published in one of India's popular woman's magazine, Woman's Era. The feeling was ecstatic to get recognition for my talent and actually hold my first pay cheque of 500 bucks while I was still in college pursuing my B.tech. Sounds a little strange I know, what does a software engineer has to do with literature and poetry? But, fortunately this became the journey of my self discovery that made me realize that my job is to earn a living and "writing" was a passion that I was born with. I call it "fortunate" because even though I am not a full time writer but yet the hobby acts as a healing therapy for me, whenever I get bugged up with my monotonous day to day routine."

 There are lakhs of young minds brimming with ideas, questions, dreams, undiscovered & unexplored. Most of them are aged between 12-16 and each one of them is striving hard to know themselves and to know what they really want to do in life. Unfortunately, most of them, when not able to find clear answers to their questions, end up jumping blindly into the mad rat race of fields and areas which are just not meant to be their cup of tea. So inspired by my own journey and a few years older than you, let me just help you find answers to those unanswered questions and guide you to the path of self discovery.

# Look inside to find what really interests you: Every now and then we hear that talent is something you are born with. Conceded BUT "interests" are something that all of us have. And in today's competitive time, it has almost become mandatory for every young child to polish that interest and convert it into a hobby. An all round development is something you can't do away with. Interests could vary from music, dance, painting, writing, sports, photography, social work, cooking, quizzing, public speaking and trekking, just to name a few. Interests when pursued regularly become hobbies and hobbies when polished and glorified become a passion, and there are numerous examples where successful people have pursued their passions as careers. It is for you to look inside and clearly know what is it that interests you, is it GK, Literature, sports, organizing events, techno-gadgets. Prepare a questionnaire and ask yourself, given an opportunity, what you would prefer, preparing for a mathematics quiz or writing a summary. Such questions will definitely help you to be aware of yourself, about what you enjoy doing. And eventually it will help you take up fields that you would enjoy working in. The kind of time you have when you are in your teens still in school or may be in college, is something you would never get in your life. It is the time when you can take the liberty of pursuing your passions along with studies. It is the time when you don’t really have the worldly responsibilities to cater to. There is exactly what you call "ample" time. It might sound way too idealistic but utilizing this time in a well planned manner will definitely help you groom as a better individual, professionally as well personally. It’s your overall persona that will matter in the end, and not just good grades. As the world is changing, there is globalization, there is a need for a global citizen who knows more than what is mentioned in books. And this self discovery will take you a step closer to becoming an aware global citizen. So what are you waiting for just put on your thinking caps and explore inside your mind and heart to know what gives you happiness and what makes you work endlessly without feeling a hint of boredom or tiredness.

#Weigh the feasibility of your newly discovered passion: Though, if a passion is followed regularly and polished through professional trainers and courses while one's growing years, it can earn you a living as well. But, it isn't really feasible to transform every passion into a full time career. You need to weigh its pros and cons. Nevertheless, any extracurricular achievement adds value to your personality and your resume to be. Not to neglect the pleasure and peace you get after an hour of your dance or music lesson. It can actually work as a stress buster after hectic study hours or years later in between the high profile board meetings that you would become part of.

#Guide your siblings/offspring: A child as young as 12-13 would definitely need guidance from someone who is more experience. Expose your younger brother/sister/friends or your child to various opportunities available. Unfortunately, there are times adolescents and teens do not understand the crucial role of extracurricular activities and their impact on personality development and they end up living in the illusion that only getting 'A' grades in academics will secure a bright future for them. Academics are imperative in shaping a successful career but it is in no way the be all and end all f life. Thus, it is the responsibility of every educated parent and an elder sibling to give their young ones required exposure and introduce them to the world of arts, culture, sports, society. Take them to watch plays, enroll them for PDP classes, encourage them to use social networking for a cause, take them for swimming tennis classes, inspire them to read, jot down their thoughts. And finally when they know, if they truly enjoy any of these, encourage them to be a regular follower.

# Present generation is lucky to have been born in the age of the cool concept called "freelancing": While the present generation of women in their late 20’s was growing up there were fewer sources and medias to support unconventional interests. Luckily, now days teenagers have access to a great platform called freelancing, where in they can do a lot of hit and trial without putting anything at state. If you love to write, then there are plenty of sites where you can showcase your talent, if you love photography, then there are numerous workshops and contests happening online as well offline, if you enjoy quizzing you have contests in schools, colleges, at state level, national level, if you enjoy dance, go attend a dance workshop this vacation, or you could even form your own band in school. And once you have polished your talent, just freelance your way to glory to pursue things that might not be feasible to pursue as a career initially. You never know that after a while it starts fetching you enough moolah and you could make freelancing your profession. How great it would be, if you can work on your own terms, in your own pace and place away from the hassles of corporate rules, and most importantly without a boss. Freelancing can give you all this and much more.


#Are you in the "right" age when you can experiment: I say this by my own experience, that when you are in school or undergraduate college, you have "ample" amount of time, options and also platforms to experiment. And it can lead to some amazing self discoveries and reveal hidden aspects f your personality. Fr instance, I have friends who while organizing cultural events in schools and colleges discovered their unconventional skill sets and walked away with the glory of becoming extremely successful event managers.

Have a curiosity to question, question your mind, your random ideas, your thoughts, and your day to day activities. The answer to these unending questions lies within you. Just know that these years of your youth especially between 13-21 are extremely crucial in deciding the path you will tread your entire life. And these are the years to find answers to all your queries about yourself, about life. Once you will become a part of the mad crowd, you will land in your routine 9-5 job and other responsibilities will overburden you. So before, life becomes that hectic, start your journey to self discovery. Take help from peers, siblings, parents and teachers but explore yourself now because it will either be now or never.

Search your soul and stay smiling till I login again:-)

The “How hot I am” syndrome ...

A young pop-star dressed as a school girl with her shirt unbuttoned licking a lollypop, such visuals are being beamed across the eyes and minds of young girls 24x7, nurturing a generation for whom all that matters is “how hot they look”?

The portrayal of women by media in a form that is unachievable for most of us is having a derogatory effect on the mental and physical health of millions of young women. Most magazines, TV shows and advertisements trick you by forcing you to think that there is some form of imperfection in your body. And this is where the vicious circle begins that leads you from starving and sweating it hard to get that perfect hour-glass figure, to scouting for ultra-sexy but uncomfortable and unrealistic clothing and finally putting you through mental depression when you don’t achieve what you aimed at.

The “Thin is in” Funda:
There was a time when voluptuous was considered desirable but as the fashion industry took a turn towards clothing like low waisted jeans & few inches long skirts and tops put together merely by a couple of strings, it gave birth to an era of skinny models. And soon they became role models for women from all social and economic classes.

With the increasing number of beauty pageants and model hunts, the wrong notion that a woman’s value is restricted to her sex appeal is being ingrained in the minds of girls aged between 16 to 24. No doubt it’s important to be fit, but fitness is not about starving yourself to death or sweating your body to dehydration.
The present generation is being fed on audio-visuals that emphasize only on a woman being attractive irrespective of the role she plays. All forms of media lay emphasis on ways to look good and objectify a female. In turn women and girls ruin their mental and physical health in hope of fulfilling their fantasies.

The Body Image:
The successful marketing and upward curve of the fashion industry has resulted in the creation of a thin and glamorous ideal. And when lakhs of women trying to achieve this ideal don’t get desired results, it leads to mental stress. This affects one’s entire personality which further leads to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and a detrimental change in your attitude towards one’s own self. The dieting industry is clever enough to first instill self-doubt about ones own body and then offer solution for the same. This is the trick that all you women out there need to protect yourself from. Don’t let the advertisements fool you into thinking and doing what they want you to.

Love thyself:
Women need to understand that it’s the complete image that should be perfect and not only the body. And the image is more about your attitude, your thoughts, your goals and perceptions. It is more important to be smart than to be sexy. It is important to send across a positive message that lay emphasis on a woman’s innate worth and value her existence in totality.

All magazines, newspapers, television and the internet bear a social responsibility to send across visuals that teach girls to value themselves for who they are and not how they look. Everyone wants to look good and there is nothing wrong with it, but don’t get obsessed by the “how good you look” mantra. To look good it’s important to feel good and have a healthy mind and body. To look as stunning as Priyanka Chopra isn’t the only ways to woo your man. Neither is modeling or the fashion industry only way to be rich and famous.

Don’t be obese but don’t be a dead stick either. Value yourself and value your body. Don’t be harsh on yourself just because the model in the advertisement or the magazine wants you to. Value the fact that you are a woman, because every woman is beautiful in her own way. After all she is god’s most special creation!!

Value yourself and smile till I login again:-)

AGE: Why do women fear growing up???

Hey friends, I am back, though after a long gap. But this time in box is something that women have always feared, the phobia of growing old. Go ahead with the read and I hope you would enjoy it.

An 11-year old is all eager and excited to get into teens and a 16-year old girl can’t wait to turn 18. Then, why is, that just a day before your 20th birthday you tell your age precisely to be nineteen. What is the big deal about crossing the thirty or the forty barrier? Why most women fear growing up? Why a sense of insecurity compels you to hide your age?

Age has always been an issue in our society especially with the fairer sex. It is sort of paradoxical that when we are young, we are too eager to grow up and after a stage the very act of asking a girl’s age is considered rude in a civilized society. But, why do we run from the reality? One needs to realize that age is a natural phenomenon and it is not limited to a mesh of numbers. It is about your thoughts, about how you perceive life and react to various situations. In simple words, age lies in the state of mind and beats of the heart.

We are living in an era where women have started coming out of the closets and they are becoming more open about issues that were earlier considered taboo. And, amongst all these, even age is becoming a casual attribute. Gone are the days, when age was the yardstick by which the world judged you. The new mantra is that “Don’t ask a woman’s salary!” contrary to the earlier saying which said, “Don’t ask a woman’s age!” Age discrimination has been a long existed concept. But today, there are also women who gracefully accept their age, no matter they are 35 or 45or even 60. Infact, the prime reason for many older women gaining lot of popularity in their workplace or society is that they are quite comfortable with disclosing their age. For some one who likes to learn about all the new gizmos and gadgets and pick a few words from the youthful lingo, age is not at all an issue.

You can easily match your steps with the younger generation provided you are truthful about your age as it helps you to be a more confident and smart. The elegance itself embraces your persona and eventually makes the younger lot look at you with a lot of respect and admiration. Also people who come across you like to emulate and learn from your experiences. It is actually sad to see people who are coy about their age. Learn to take pride in growing a year older. Life is an absolutely precious book and one must live its each chapter with equal enthusiasm and happiness. Don’t be ashamed or bothered just because you are on the verge of the 50 Th chapter of this book and your hair have started turning grey. No doubt, everyone is possessive about their looks, the flawless skin, the long and satin-silky hair, all of which are bound to lose their lusture as you turn old. But the trick is simple, if you are happy and proud about all those years you have lived through, your face and persona will glow with an undefinable vibrance and sheen. Even the wrinkles and lines of aging will add beauty to your appearance.

Hiding your age is a self-defeating concept. It reflects signs of weakness and a tarnished aura. It is all about how you choose to accept growing older that makes hell lot of a difference. In today’s times age is too short a word to describe someone as an individual or judge his/her capabilities and caliber.

You can be 50 and still be going around. You can be a mother of two and still be clad in that sexy black dress that you wore when you were eighteen.
You just need to remember that you define yourself by how you feel, what you do, how open minded you are towards changes in the society and not by how old you are. After all, you have worked hard enough to reach where you are. So just love and live proudly every minute of every year of your life. Despite hiding or lying about your age sing it out loud and clear and see how easily you can shut the gobs of those narrow minded people just by the confidence and dignity you hold in that number called age.

Flaunt your age till I login again:-)

Media - Growing beyond limits...

There has been a phenomenal progress of India into the age of modernization and liberal thinking. Advent of new technologies, foreign investments, or global partnerships in the field of IT and computers, every change has come with a big bang. And, amongst all this, there is one sector, which correlates all these developments on the world platform. It is the very influencing “Media”. The face of print as well electronic media has transformed into a form that appeals to every section of the society. With all these developments, the debate of print media versus electronic media is also stirring up. But, the fact is that newspapers have always had a mind of their own. Role of press in freedom struggle or the worst days of emergency cannot be forgotten at any cost. Print media was the voice of the nation when satellite TV and 24 hours news channels did not existed. Moreover, in practical terms, reach of newspapers and magazines is far beyond the TV.

We are living in an era, which is completely driven by media and advertising. There has been a drastic change in the news reporting techniques and “yellow” journalism has become the trick of the business. Media, in its new form has the power to “brain wash” people and put words into their mouths. One word or one statement can make or break the society. Media has to aim at larger social good. On its way to expansion, it has made some noticeable impacts on society.

# Media has played a constructive role in spreading awareness about various social issues. Women empowerment, social advertisements on AIDS awareness, family planning, educating the girl child, had it not been the boom in the television and advertising industry, we would not have moved a little above the base line.

# Media has become central to public life and politics. Media shapes public opinion, reports and interprets various political events.

# Media has successfully put India on the international map of popular nations. Today, India is looked upon as a country with extreme potential in almost all fields. It is also responsible for the economic growth of the nation, increase in international trade and development in financial institutions. Media itself is an industry with lot of potential.

# Credit of popularity of Indian fashion industry also goes to advertising and communication. It has helped a lot in attracting international buyers to invest in India. What more, today we have specialized studies in fashion journalism.

# Co-existence of so many brands of one product is possible due to the magic of advertisements, which is yet another indispensable part of media.

Unfortunately, in some cases it has also spread the wrong message of “End justifies the means”. Some of the negative impacts on the society are:

# India is a huge country with a population over 100 million. So there are enough news stories from a comrade of news channels that are being delivered right in our living rooms. But the reality is that in order to raise TRPs news channels are either reporting information more than required or the much important issues are being neglected. Gossips have become a trading trick and they are packaged in a way that undermines the reality and main stories.

# Only a fool would deny that hundreds of hours of exposure to visual and verbal images of human depravity will have negative effects on young developing minds. TV and movies are a prime source of inspiration when it comes to youth expressing themselves by acts of violence. There are many TV shows that depict family breakdown, single parent household, high divorce rates and unwedded mothers. Very little is being done to stop the vulgarity and sexual immorality in TV shows which can’t even be segregated with A or U certificates as in the case of movies.

# Advertising too has an impact on society, especially on values and lifestyle. It plays a major role in influencing social values and has become a kind of a social guide. It encourages extravagant expectations.

# Last but not the least, media influences our lifestyle too. The clothes we wear, the accessories we sport and the shoes we buy, every thing is influenced by the trends set by the media and fashion industry. Even when we go out to buy furniture to redecorate our interiors, e emulate what we see on television, or in fashion or lifestyle magazines. Every teenager wants to be with whatever is “in”, in order to be popular. The youth today wears “right” clothes, listen the “right” music, watches the “right” TV shows and movies and be at the “right” place to hang out. In doing all these “right & in” things individuality and innovation of our young minds is being lost. It is even increasing the gap between the rich and poor.

What is needed in the present scenario is media literacy. It involves correctly comprehending, interpreting and analyzing both print and electronic media. Wrong interpretations can create chaos in the society. Print and electronic media must work hand in hand to for the benefit of the society.

Happy surfing till I login again :-)

Is 13 the new 18???

“A consumerist, urban animal living in a cocooned society that is busy eating McDonald’s burgers, freaking out with pals and chasing the original American dream of making it big.” I read this somewhere, and it made me think about a very predominant social change that is encompassing India, especially the metros. It is the way a child is being groomed and nurtured. It is the sheer loss of innocence in a child, at a much early age than it used to be say a decade ago.

This is what mirrors the modern youth. The young one’s today are like a rudderless ship without direction. They might have fastened their seat belts but they have nowhere to go. But the question here is that what is it that has changed the psychology of this new age teenager to this extent?

Over the past decade the country has gone through social, economical, technological and cultural changes. Some of them being favorable & some refutable. Change: you can love it or you can hate it, but you certainly can’t ignore it. And as they say, “Change is the only constant”. Change is a cause that has to be succeeded by an effect: good or bad. A culmination of various factors has been responsible for the change in the scenario of Indian society and shaping up of the new millennium 13- year old.

It is very much evident that there is a combination of factors that influence the average Indian teenager. And the influence has been profound on the psychological development of a child. Influence of the west and impact of the media have made such deep inroads in our society that they have shaken the very roots of our culture. Broadly there are 5 prominent reasons for the birth of all-new adolescents with a broader & bigger vision of life but at the same time a very materialistic and unhealthy generation of youth.

# Media in all its forms: TV, Internet, Lifestyle Magazines, Much hyped Page3 journalism, Advertising, Video games has been largely responsible. The Internet is the most essential component of new literacy with its endless library of resources. But the dangers inherent in this relatively uncontrolled ‘wired’ world are many and varied. A wise parent should aim at protecting children while allowing them to reap the rich benefits in a safe environment. TV has become one of the most popular medium of entertainment in every home. But certain programs may encourage irresponsible sexual behaviour. Instead TV should act as a powerful teacher imparting lessons on various issues. If a program talks about pre-marital sex it must talk about STDs and harms of teenage pregnancies. Furthermore the popularity of child reality shows distracts them from academics by luring them to instant fame.

# Improved Economic status of families: Since most families in metros have means, they over pamper their children financially and emotionally, making them fearless enough to do wrongs with courage.

# Peer pressure: This factor has always existed but in the recent times the competition has taken an ugly face where winning and to be “in” with the crowd is what all matters. Alcohol, drugs and sex, teens do it all under the influence of friends.

# Cultural and social changes: Indian society as a whole has gone through a renaissance of sorts. We are more candid about issues that were earlier considered taboo. Although it has made us more progressive but the mind of a 13- year old is not mature enough to take certain things in their stride. Influence of the west might have made us more contemporary and practical but it should be ensured that young children don’t get taken away by the ills of the west.

# Technological advancements: Increased crime, the craze to show off latest gizmos have all been the result of new scientific technology. We must ensure that technology should be used for betterment and not as a yardstick to measure who has the “coolest gadget” amongst adolescents.

The new generation has no role models to look up to. And the new age parent has no time to foster certain values in their children and they assuage the guilt by material gifts. Every one is too busy chasing a dream that will take them nowhere. Compassion and commitment have no meaning in today’s India.The new millennium teens have all that it takes to be a successful and  globalized Indian but what they lack is the direction in which their energies should be diverted in order to have a constructive and fruitful end for the individual as well the nation. But for this to happen the media will have to be socially responsible, parents need to spend time and nurture their children with love and proper guidance. Technology should land in the hands of who can make the best of it and peers should work together for the good of all. Youth is the most important resource of a nation and its overwhelming to see that our youth has high spirits, but parents, teachers and media needs to make sure that their spirits yield a beautiful and bright tomorrow for the country.

Live-in is "IN"...

Hi guys, here is a peice, dedicated to one of the most controversial issues our our times. The views here belong more to my reading of perceptions of people around and the changing Indian mindset.
The past decade has seen numerous changes in the Indian mindset and perceptions. Things that were considered taboo or too westernized are now becoming acceptable in the Indian context. And one such concept that has gained immense popularity in the past few years is the "Live in relationship". Though, at times it comes as a shocker that a society that was once averse to a bare minimum interaction between a couple who is engaged to get married, is now widening its horizons to accept various forms of relationships with open arms. The phenomenon of an open relationship, commitment without being legally called as man and wife is here, and it is here to stay. Even if the concept is found to be predominant in the metros and cosmopolitan cities, there are also those who move from small cities, try the option of moving in with their future life partners. As they say, men and women all over the world are same, so it is not surprising to see a trend that has already been popular in the US and UK find its way into India. "If you love someone, & you are committed, why do you need to get a legal marital certificate to live and be sexually involved with him/her", this is the argument you come across from most lovebirds now a days. But it is imperative to take stock of some very basic issues before you decide to take the plunge. Don’t "live in" just because it is "in". You are going to share your life with someone, and eventually, the whole thing will impact you mentally, emotionally and physically. Let’s first look at the reasons for this sudden trend of Live in relationships.

# Indians are now open to experimentation: Unlike the previous generation, the youth today is open to experimenting, be it career, relationships or sexuality. The entire woman's movement has made women more comfortable with expressing their sexuality and thus, they are open to test waters before they decide to get married. Issues that were considered taboo and shameful even to discuss about, are now being respectfully accepted. Though, unwedded mothers is still a concept that is not welcome in India, but a girl and boy in love staying under one roof is finding its way into the Indian home.

# Break up of joint family system: The joint family system is diminishing and the entire value system is changing. Youth living away from their "conservative" families have more space to express their freedom of thought. If the person loves someone, he/she wants to be entirely a part of their partner, and so the option of "living in" comes handy. Moreover, the present day youth has more freedom in terms of choosing their life partner, unlike the past when parents used to find a suitable match. The concept is changing and it is being happily accepted by many parents.

# Delaying marriage: There are various reasons for delaying marriage for many couples in love. Some feel the need to pursue higher studies, some have responsibilities to fulfill, before they take the marriage vows, so for them this concept of "marriage but no marriage" fits in perfectly. Move in together, live like man and wife without the extra baggage. It’s simple and yet gives you the option to start a life with your future partner as soon as you want to.

# Lacking belief in the institution of marriage: There are many who do not believe in the institution of marriage due to their past experience. It could be that come of them have seen their parents or siblings in unsuccessful marriages. Or some might have themselves had a bad marriage. Such people want to try out something different. Believe it or not, everyone needs a companion, it’s just that they choose a different way to pursue companionship. Also, there are many who move past the marriageable age. Someone in his 40s would seek a partner with different expectations, they may just move in together rather than going through the rituals and complexities of marriage. Some feel marriage kills the charm and passion of love. There is a "take it for granted" kind of a feeling. Couples also see a slight insecurity in a live in relation and believe that the insecurity will help them keep the fire alive.

I personally believe that sexuality and relationships have nothing to do with values, each one of us has a different value system, there is nothing right or wrong. It is completely an individual's choice to say 'I do" or not, to marry or to live in, to believe in pre/post marital sex. But before you decide to live in, make sure it is a well thought and well analyzed decision. Though, it may seem there is no responsibility involved, eventually there will be enormous responsibilities that you both would need to share. Be clear about your expectations from the relation. Even if you are not intensely emotional about each other in the beginning, eventually you would develop a strong affection, so "no strings" attached theory will not work for long. And of course, for all the women, make sure you have a heart to heart "child talk" before you two decide to move in. Because, you never know when the precautions don’t work. Be prepared about the consequences and how are you going to deal with them.

Nevertheless, the issue is still controversial, and everyone has there own take. Reader's inputs are welcome. Just few lines to add,

"Ishq mein kuch na munasib nahin hai,
zamaana toh nasaaz gaar karega,
par iss ishq ko dabaa de,
kisi ki itni zuraat nahin hai"

So till I login again Happy Living In:-)

Generation Gap: How well do you understand your teenager???

 

Hi guys, after the long and heated debate on the last post, I am back again with something really intersting.. Well first of all, it gives me immense pleasure and motivation to see my readers coming up with their varied viewpoints on the issues I write about.. So here is something which again could be "thought-provoking". The age old saga of "generation gap". Though I myself is a 20 something, but I think I can help you understand your teenager a little better.. :-) No it is not a Good Parenting Guide, I am not eligible to write a one:-D But just, my way of viewing the changes in the perceptions of kids who are a decade younger than me.

Parents, when their offspring sit on the fence between childhood and adolescents look back nostalgically on the days when their children had not learned to speak, were cute and hung on every word that their parents said. Suddenly, they try to become individuals in their own right and wish nothing but to fly above and beyond the protective wings of their parents. It is a common sight to see teenagers aged 13-17 discussing about the so-called “freedom”. The minute parents give them a curfew or object to their clothes or hair dos or do not allow them to go away for the weekend, “Generation gap” becomes the buzzword. Well, the beauty of this whole situation is that there has never been a time in history when parents and their children did not share such differences. These differences of opinion, account for what is known as “Generation Gap”.

Whether it’s trivial issues like the clothes in fashion, or something as crucial as considering various career options or seeing someone from the opposite sex, there has always been a difference in the way youngsters take things and the lines on which the older generation thinks. Parents often tend to forget that once they were teenagers too. Although as the basic norms of Indian society are changing, people are becoming more open-minded. Well, though the whole definition of being “open minded” or “broad minded” can call for another never ending debate. Leaving that debate for some other time, the fact remains that difference in opinion still exists. Issues like dating, live-in relationships, night outs, discussing issues relating sex are still debatable in most of the middle class and high middle class families. Parents may feel a little discarded, as “friends” and “boy/girl friends” become all important to their children. It is absolutely normal for a teenager to go through such a phase. This can be very hurtful for parents, but they should not take it personally. It is just a passing phase.

Parents have the “WE” concept. Youth often believes in the principles of independence, privacy and individual identity. They function more on the “I” concept. Parents have perspectives based on their upbringing in Asian home country, while the youth acquire their references from becoming “Americanized”. During teenage years, there are enormous attractions and distractions. The curious mind wants to try it all. From smoking to drinking to drugs to experimenting with their sexuality. They try anything and everything just to be “in” with the crowd. I am not generalizing but many of them do it just for this reason. At this point of time don’t play a dreadful dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, communication is the key. Don’t pose yourself as their enemies. Lay down the ground rules right in the beginning.

Generation gap is not a new concept, it existed even when our parents were teenagers. By appropriate and effective measures this gap can be bridged. To interpret and understand the teenage or young mind is difficult but not impossible. If basic emotional bond blended with fluent and adequate communication does not exist between the youth and the older generation, conflict and tensions are bound to arise. To bridge this gap, listening should be given more importance than advising. To listen to viewpoints of youth and then to acknowledge them is vital. This is not very easy for an average parent, but every parent should at least give it a try.


# Become your children’s friend but not just to dig out their secrets. Be their friend in the true sense. When arguing over an issue, before taking any decision, put yourself at their position and analyze the feelings that your child is going through.

# Always remember that it’s not the quantity but the quality of time that you spend with your children, that matters. If your children do not spend much time with you, it does not mean they don’t love you.

# Most parents encourage their children when they achieve something. But don’t forget that your children need your support when they go through something traumatic. For instance, when your child is cheated by a friend, when he gets low grades in college or for that matter when he or she “breaks up” with his/her girlfriend or boyfriend.

# College going girls and boys want to stay out till odd hours of the night, parents must make them understand that if they want to party hard, they must also work hard. Parents must tell them that if they want to go for a night out they must at least inform them.

# Give your child some privacy and personal space. Don’t poke your nose in each of their matter. Don’t ask for details every time they get a call on their cell-phones. Be open to them and most importantly trust them.

# Treat your children with respect. Don’t “yell” at them all the time. Consider their advice when taking important decisions. Don’t decide for them, let them take their own decisions. Let them choose their careers according to their own wish and support their stands.

# At times, let your children make their own mistakes and learn from them. Don’t spoon feed them. Just remember that in this era of internet and exposure, a teenager is grown up enough to choose his or her friends. Let your children grow emotionally and mentally on their own. Don’t force your ideologies on them.

The communication part has to be mutual. The onus lies with the youngsters also. They should encourage their parents to ventilate their feelings and concerns by listening to them with empathy and concern. Showing sincerity and respect to older generation helps them understand the principles, ethics and philosophy of new generation. All this may sound a bit difficult but a healthy communication between generations is very much possible. Just remember how you made your first friend. Open your minds and hearts for each other.

Don’t forget that someday your "cute" babies grow up and when the time comes you must let them go and find their own destination in life. You cannot protect your children forever and if you try to do so they won’t thank you for this. It’s bitter but it is the truth.

Smile till I login again:-)

PS:I am anticipating some heated discussions on the post like the previous one..

It's still a man's world... Why?

This is something I strongly feel about, so here it is without much description or declarations... Read on...

There are absolutely, no second thoughts about the fact that the Indian woman has very successfully established herself in various fields and spheres of life. Today, she is working as a renowned politician, lawyer, doctor, poet, writer, painter, social worker, the list is endless. And noticeable is the fact that she has come out with flying colors in every role she has played. In every circumstance she has shown her worth. Then why is that men still dominate our society? Even today, in many families a girl’s aspirations are heartlessly put down by her own father, brother or husband.

Preference for boys in India has been a long-lived and shamefully a valued tradition with not many “even” trying to change it. Indian men have to realize and accept that a woman is as important to the world as themselves. This inequality is deep-rooted in every part of India. To broaden the social, political and cultural horizons of our nation, it is extremely important to grant the liberty to our women, which they rightfully deserve.

It is unfair, that most top positions in the society like company directors, CEOs, Managers, judges etc are predominantly occupied by men. Statistics prove that there is no difference between the quality of work done by men and women. Then, why this discrimination? In regard to women’s achievements we cannot afford to forget that the first test tube baby was successfully operated by a woman gynecologist.

An average Indian parent has always been very open-minded for their boys but when it comes to girl "the society" factor crops up. Though, most parents today provide equal education opportunities to their boys and girls but when it comes to going out to work, they are frequently discouraged and taught that family life is the sole motto of their existence. While making career choices, girls are usually not encouraged to take up engineering subjects or late night jobs which are believed to require great amount of physical strength. I wonder where does the so called concerned society lives when the same girl handles huge and heavy utensils while cooking and cleaning, carrying water for long distances in scorching heat or plough the fields in villages.

Most families, at least in rural areas, wishes to give the best to their boys. Amongst the urban starta, also the difference persists. The limits have to be there, but they should be same for both the sexes. If a boy is outspoken, friendly or mischievous, he is said to be an all rounder or candid, but if the girl is synonymous to any of these she is typecast as one with a loose character. If a boy wants to marry the girl of his choice he is said to be mature enough to make his own decisions. But, at the same time the girl is forced upon to marry the guy of her parent’s choice with the argument that parents know best for her secure and happy future. Again the question arises, why the man dominates?

Guru Nanak, conveys the strength of a woman very truthfully and aptly through the Sikh scripture:
“In a woman, man is conceived,
From a woman, he is born,
With a woman he is betrothed and married,
With a woman he contracts friendship.
Why denounce her, the one from even kings are born?
From a woman a woman is born,
None may exist a without a woman.”

Let the woman decide for herself, do and say what her own mind and heart believes in. It has been high time that women are given their rightful place in society.

# Education has to play a major role in this. To completely iron out the inequalities that persists in our society, education is very important. It is the best way to ensure sound and secure future generations.

# The key also lies in the hands of economic independence of women. If a woman is economically independent, then only she will be mentally strong to shun the discrimination against her and answer back to this male dominated society.

# Health of a woman is also of prime importance, because to take up any challenge one has to be physically and mentally fit.

# Women empowerment should happen in the true sense. Of late, it has been reduced to merely a topic for politicians to speak. Empowerment has to come from within. The women have to realize their worth and power themselves first before the society realizes it. We have to change the mentality of the society, while staying within the parameters of the society.

# Most importantly, the psyche of man has to be transformed. Girls have made many adjustments over the years. It is time for the boys to learn the meaning of the word “Adjust” and implement in their lives. Men have ruled for quite a long.  Women must now stop catering to the whims and fancies of the men as unpaid servants. Mothers need to teach their boys right from a very young age to treat women with respect. It is time when men start contributing equally in the domestic chores.

Complete empowerment of women lies in giving them complete freedom without any ifs and buts or social and moral obligations. There is a famous saying, “women hold up half of the sky”. So let them be free to spread their wings of humanity across the horizon of that sky.

Help empowering a friend, a sibling, a domestic help, a girl, a woman. Give them the smile they deserve for long till I login again :-)

Honour Killing: A heinous crime in the name of respect...

Till a few decades back, social evils like Sati, child marriage & dowry deaths were eating the foundation of Indian society like a termite. In new age India, a barbaric and atrocious form of crime called HONOUR KILLING is on the rise. Shamefully most of these killings are caste based, that makes it more than a crime, the worst form of social evil. It actually brings us to the conclusion that it may take several decades before India as a nation, as a society can become truly and practically progressive.

The recent case of murder of Delhi based journalist Nirupama Pathak by her own mother for falling in love with a boy from a lower caste is just one of the examples. If you flip across the newspapers of past few years, one might find it a regular activity especially in the northern states of UP, Bihar, Haryana and Punjab. Shockingly most of these killings are "socially" approved by the local authorities; therefore, there might be so many cases that just go unregistered as there is no one to file a complaint against the perpetrators. It is a harsh truth that the stigma of caste and creed still sticks to the Indian mindset; the caste hierarchy still dominates the very structure of our society. Moreover, it’s doubtful whether any form of education or awareness will help us to rise above such social issues. But the question is that, are these killings really for the honour or the ego, whether these are in the name of religion or in the name of just a community which is trying to prove its social dominance. No form of honour or religion teaches you to ruthlessly kill your very own children or propagate violence and murder of innocent people. It’s a matter of shame that in the world's largest democracy, a rightful and legal citizen of the country is still devoid of the privilege to exercise his/her fundamental rights.

The problem is grim and the statistics show it’s increasing by the day. So where and what exactly the solution is. Is it education, awareness, stringent laws, active policing, or innovative policies to support the vulnerable? Education, I really doubt will be able to do the needful, no sermons in the text of school and college books could teach us to stand against social evils. There has to be very different form of education, there is a need for “social” education which can be better imparted through advertisements, TV shows & films, street plays and most importantly bringing forth live examples. All these form of media have a big impact on the psyche of viewers especially those from lower and middle class. There needs to be laws specific to honour killings, and not to mention these laws need to be stringent, with fast court trials so that the perpetrators have something to stop them before they attempt such a heinous crime. There needs to be special organizations or "active" organizations and NGOs that can provide special support to those who fear such consequences for their decision, from their communities. Even with all such measures it will take time to remove this terrorized and inhumane crime labeled as the need of the society by some psychic people. We as the youth of the nation can join hands to introduce those living in the 19th century to the new India. The India that knows of only two kinds of people, the good and the bad. No caste no race no color no community.

Think about it till I login again...

Lost...

Few heart wrenching lines that I wrote few months back, found in some old crumpled papers, just felt like sharing with my readers... The poem may be a little depressing, so please bear:-)

My heart filled with questions,
My eyes lost in a hustle & ears in disturbing sound,
In search of some and answers to some I found,
A perturbing confusion embrace my heart and soul,
Life seems nothing more than a vacant core…

Striving to be elated and much more,
Every cherished moment is turning sour,
In the depth of my emotions, craving to learn life’s chores,
Words can’t describe my sorrow,
From every passing pulse, peace and serenity I try to borrow…

Life seems no less than hell,
Sanctity of my soul broken with unpleasant bells,
An undefined restlessness occupies my state of mind,
Unknown reasons for this phase I try to find,
I no more admire the beauty of the rising sun,
The moonlit sky, to me seems so dull…

Smile in the lows of life also till I login again:-)

Emancipation of women: Is it just a long-cherished dream???

This post seems to be long to the extent of being unending, but it speaks about something which needs to be adressed as present day's biggest social evil.. Have a look...

“Three beautiful, and vivacious flowers with a light within them that can brighten a million lives and make their family and nation proud of them, but only if they are permitted to empower themselves by the orthodox and conventional society in which they are unfortunately born. Aged ten, twelve and fourteen, these three budding flowers are a part of typical conservative middle-class family where all the hopes are pinned to their brother. Reason for this discrimination, the age-old theory that gives supremacy to the male child and a sense of humiliating indifference and disrespect to the girls. The mother of four young & immature children, an uneducated housewife who hails from a small village in Punjab, who is still stuck with the notion that was put into her mind since childhood that life and dreams of a girl is confined to four walls of the house. She herself was made to leave her schooling after class 8 and was married off at the tender age of 15 to a potbellied businessman who has least respect for women. The three girls consider themselves lucky that at least they are getting the rare opportunity to complete their schooling unlike their mother. But at the end of it all, their destiny might not be any different. They would eventually be left to live at the mercy of some chauvinist male once their father marries them off. And they might also not get the opportunity to fight for their social, political, economical and the very basic emotional rights(human rights). The lives of the three young girls are even now not less than hell. Every moment they witness all the motherly love, the unending pampering and affection of the family being showered on their brother. On the contrary, no one has ever desired to take a deep look into the heart of these girls. Given a chance one of them holds the caliber to make a successful career. To be a lawyer or a doctor or a decent professor. Unfortunately, she knows that she does not even have the right to dream something of that stature. The one who is 12 years of age has been gifted by a talent that can transform her into a renowned poet or writer. But its her bad luck that she was born into a family where one day all her exquisite pieces of poetry would be dumped in the chimney of the household kitchen. And the youngest one, is still too small to envision what the future holds for her and that her life is already etched out by her parents. Worse, as it gets, the three impressionable minds watch their brutal and alcoholic father giving endless beatings to their mother very often. In turn the frustrated mother pours all her anger on the poor girls. I wonder what these girls must be going through and more importantly what impact such cruel scenes would have on their future lives.”

The above story(though its fictional) shows the harsh reality of Indian social setup. Such discrimination in one form or the other is paramount even amongst the most educated and elite families. There are lakhs of girls who are denied the basic human rights and sense of respect, dignity and security. So many young girls are raped, others become the victim of domestic violence, kidnappings, dowry deaths. To add to the irony, there is the growing concept of incest and marital rape. All this throws enough light on the hollowness of government’s claim to have emancipated or empowered the women of our country. Emancipation of women has been reduced to a mere topic for the public figures to give unending speeches on. In reality, most of us are not even aware of the true meaning of emancipation of women. Emancipation of women refers to freeing them from the control of others and give them the right to make their own choices. How can we make this long cherished dream of empowering women a reality? It is difficult to remove the deep- rooted evils that demean the stature of women but with sincere and innovative efforts, it can be dealt with.

# The best way is encouraging women to build the confidence, first in themselves and then others. Each woman needs to respect the other. Don’t forget that charity begins only at home. This is possible only if women stop exploiting other women, which mainly includes mother-daughter, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law, siblings and friends.

# Another imperative step towards emancipation is instilling a sense of confidence and self-faith in girls right from childhood and they should be taught to take pride in being a woman.

This also reminds me of the ballyhoo that is created around the woman’s day every year. I am not exactly against it but I feel rather than flashing greetings and flowers and socialites flaunting their designer labels at the typical page 3 parties; let’s have a reality check. Emancipation cannot be limited to including a handful of names from international beauty pageants or one or two women making it big in sports or winning accolades in science & technology. Educating the uneducated and liberating them from orthodox notions, making stringent laws and making their strict implementation possible are a few basic steps towards true emancipation of women. An environment conducive enough for the suffering women to come up and fight for their rights and security is the key to empowerment of women in the true sense. The mantra is that come out of the fire well in which you are being burnt for the only reason that you were born as the so called weaker sex. Gather the courage, unite and fight, fight because it’s your life and you have the sole right on how to live it.

Think about it till I login again...

Love???

Just one simple question to begin this post, have you ever sat and thought, "What is Love":-) I am sure almost all of you must have atleast once... So what were your respective answers... Well here is an account of the answers I have got on different occassions when I have simply asked myself, What does love mean... :-)

Love, a feeling, an emotion, an expression, a dream, a smile, an ecstasy... so many words yet an experience difficult to put into words.I sit back and think…The most splendid and beautiful emotion of life, love. How do I define it? Is it even possible to define this emotion which is so magnificent, so wonderful?

I look around and think of someone, who first made me feel special or made me feel "loved". I dig deep down memory lane; I am reminded of the days when my mother's tender touch made me feel "loved". Her concern, her care, and the way she would be anxious for me every passing moment even when she was not around. Those evenings come to my mind when I desperately waited at the gate for my loving mum to come home from work. That was my emotion, my "expression of love" for her. Although back then I was too immature to understand this feeling.

Similar were the moments when my dad brought home toys and chocolates to see an unending joy and smile on my face. The way he pampered me, the way he got upset and he still does when a tear trickles down my eye.
Those were the very first and most memorable times of my life, when I realized that I am "special, I am dear to someone and someone "selflessly loves" me.

I move ahead and flip across the pages of the most cherished chapters of my life... A phase of life that belongs to the beautiful flowers, which brighten the garden of my life forever, flowers called friends. I close my eyes to remember the games we played together, the pranks, the parties, the unending gossips, calls till the wee hours of morning, the struggle for marks, bunking classes, writing on desks, crushes so exciting, getting wet in the rains... there is so much that comes to my mind. Emotions and moments are a part of the very core of my heart. A helping hand that is always there for me, some absolutely amazing people who are just a call away. They are an integral part of me with whom I share every secret, every thought, every joy, and every sorrow. They mean "love" to me.

As I go through some of the most special and pleasing pictures of my life, I realize that there have been so many people around who "love" me. I lie down, relax and try to look in future... A future that promises peace, serenity and again "love"... Love of that someone so so special, love that I have never experienced before, love so new in its meaning, so magnificent in its existence. In the mirror of future I see the one with whom I will walk by the coming years of my life, forever & ever, till death parts us. Someone whose presence gives my life new dreams, a new meaning, a new dimension. Someone who gives me moments that make life more beautiful than ever before. That "someone" also means "love" to me...

Family, Friends, people who know me, who get to know my emotions even before I express them, all of them "love" me. Love, a feeling that has so many shades to it, an emotion that can not be associated with one single person or one single event. Love, it is something that cannot be categorized. We love our parents, friends, siblings, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancée... the list is endless.

Love is an emotion that two people share who know each other's mind and heart, by simply looking at the other person's very first facial expression. Love is a connection between two hearts. Love is something that can only be expressed by the warmth of eyes, joy of a smile, a tender touch. Love is beyond we express, beyond we feel, and beyond we see. Love is someone who stands with you in the darkest hour of your life.
Life is difficult, full of trials, obstacles, ups and the downs, fears, pains and sorrows...."Love" makes life beautiful and worth living....

Feel the feeling of love and smile till I login again :-)

I owe it to you!!!

You came in my life, as a pleasant breeze,
with you came a euphoria, I wish would never end,
I closed my eyes, and held your hand,
to be lost forever, in a world never seen before,
You showed me the path to love…

My dreams were yours, my smiles belonged to you,
every tear in my eye, was whenever you felt low,
seeds of joy and ecstasy, together we sowed,
Immense pleasure and peace to my life, you gave,
I cherish the day, in my life you came…

Memories of the moments spent with you,
and the evenings we spent together,
leaves of good times, I pick and gather,
World of no concern, only you who matters,
You are my dream, my destination,
For me, God’s most wonderful creation…

You came in my life, it was destiny,
moments memorable, in future will be many,
a phase of life to live forever,
a fragrance, a beat, a musical note,
so precious is every word you quote…

My expressions speak more than my words do,
One fear the bothers me,
what would I be without you,
You are a part of me, my identity includes you,
I owe my life to you, you and only you…

Smile till I login again:-)

Are men shy or are they genetically inexpressive???

Hi guys, Sorry for the long-long break, but here I am, back again with something that has always fascinated me, the so-called male psyche in relationships. Most men complain that it’s the women who are complicated. But, some how, I am of the opinion that it isn’t either easy to understand men. It takes time, dedication, patience and nurturing lasting bonds before you get to the core of a man’s heart and mind, be it your father, brother, friend, husband, boyfriend. So taking this interesting topic ahead, let me today talk about something that all women must have felt at some time in their life. Are men really shy in expressing themselves, or is it they are just programmed to be so, quiet and inexpressive of their emotions in love.

Men are usually uneasy with relationships. When a man feels something for a woman, he takes a lot of time to come to terms with this feeling. At first there is dilemma to segregate love from lust since both are integral to a man’s psychology. Well, it is integral to female psychology also, but I believe a woman easily distinguish between the true love and a mere physical attraction or infatuation. Women are more intelligent, I guess:-) Jokes apart, men often can’t differentiate between subtle differences in variations of their own thoughts. So in such a state they have no option but to refrain from acceptance of the eternal truth of falling in love. Moreover, men usually try to find logic in everything even the emotions they experience, which is practically impossible. Emotions and logic doesn’t go hand in hand.:-)

It seems that genetically, beautiful sensitivities like love and emotions don’t really go well with the male: the chauvinist and impregnable version of a homo sapien. What is the reason behind men not being very indicative about their feelings for a woman, the woman who rule their minds, hearts and dreams. Is it fear, confusion, ego, nonchalance, or diffidence? The answer varies in content and extent from person to person. Men remain inexpressive of their inmost feelings for different reasons. Many of my male friends would agree, men are generally shy or hesitant when they propose the girl of their dreams for the first time. Many men try and act cool that it doesn’t really matter but the fact remains that it is not easy for any human being to accept rejection in any sphere of life. But for those who are already in a relationship, its not fear of rejection or diffidence. The extent to which they express largely depends on the level of seriousness and commitment involved. There are some who bear the notion that it’s not “manly” to be emotional. According to surveys, men who are emotional understand a woman better. But even an emotional man would not be as open and as good with words as a woman would be. For the simple reason, that they can't blabber, they cant repeat the same thing again and again in different ways, they just try to keep things SIMPLE.:-)

Different men have different circumstances and thus have different ways of their expression of love and affection. Some believe that it’s just the confusion that makes men less candid in love. Men are too engrossed in their usual boys stuff that they in most cases neither desire nor dare to look deep inside and ask themselves “ how deeply they feel for a girl”? Also, in some circumstances, pain from past changes the way someone  lives in the present and future. Life is unfair, relationships are queer, and ego multiplies the extent of complexity in love. And that can be another reason that stop men from being loud about their love interests. A lot of men are waiting for the fresh change where women take on the brave act of proposing. Women have always been asking for equal rights, so why don’t they rightfully play the part of initiating a relationship. Surveys show that guys adore and admire women making the first move. Well, no doubt we have quite an ample number of bold gals to answer back to such egoistic freaks. Times have changed and girls unapologetically and gracefully say “I do” before their man says so.

Last but not the least, we have the commitment phobic men. They fear expressing their love as expression strengthens a relation further and takes it a step nearer to commitment. So probably when we say men shy away, it’s like virtually saying they shy away from commitment, from responsibility and from solemnizing a relation with a strong and firm foundation. Men can commit to education, career, work and to hobbies and their passions, but when it comes to committing to a girl they get jitters that shake them to the core. Man-Woman relationship has always been a point of contention and it will remain so for many years to come. It is because this relation is so very dynamic; it has so many unpredictable and irrational dimensions. It is in simple words human behavior that changes each moment, each day. Women feel men are less expressive but may be it’s just in the relative sense, as men believe women are over expressive.:-)

There are questions in life that don’t have exact answers and when questions pertain to relationships, there can’t be any politically and emotionally correct ones. So for all those men out their who had been inexpressive in voicing their deepest emotions hidden inside the core of their heart, just know that faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy. All you hot hunks, and cool guys out there just take it easy. If you have faith in your heart and love in your sight, just go ahead and bring the two together and say it, say it aloud to the girl of your dreams, to your fiancée, or even to the beautiful lady whom you married 10 years ago. The magic of those three golden word, ”I Love you” will fill your life with a new meaning each time you say them. So don’t shy away, just express, and express with a charm, with an attitude that sweeps your girl off her feet.

And for all you women out there, here’s a little piece of advice,

Men are strange creatures,
They’ll hate you; they’ll irritate you,
They’ll call you emotional fools,
They’ll tease you with stupid names,
They’ll deny you; they’ll defy you,
They can be shy or bold,
But their breaths are in your hold,
Beneath all fears, beneath all pretence,
The truth prevails; they cant live without you,
Yes, indeed, Oh! Woman, the man is incomplete without you!!!

So try understanding your man and smile till I login again :-)

I am SHE!

Excuse me.. Before you jump to any conclusion from the title that the post is about Sushmita Sen's newly launched platform about choosing Miss Universe participant from the country, it has nothing to do with it. Somehow for the contents that I am going to pour in the next few stanzas, I could not find a better caption. Also a warning for all the boys, the post can be really boring for you, as for the female gang, I am sure you would love to read this... :-) Still the boys can also give it a shot, if they are fond of reading or if they are a fan of my writings:-)

"Elegance" and "Charisma" are characteristics of a true woman, a subtle smile can win more hearts than a loud laughter, a shy twinkle in the eye can be more captivating than a candid eye contact, those tiny-miny shorts can look really hot & sexy but an elegant evening dress or a stylish sari can gather much more attention, a graceful walk can add a strong feminine factor to someone’s persona, the art of laying the table can fetch more appreciation than ways of handling a high profile board meeting, pampering at a spa, diamonds and handbags, long silky hair left unopened, high heels & perfectly pedicured feet, makes you feel "SHE". Have you ever wondered that where did you actually learnt these gestures that make you a WOMAN, that make you FEMININE.

Just go back in time and you would find the answer. While growing up you were always taught to be “prim & proper” when you went out to play, a birthday party, or a fancy dress, you were asked to "behave yourself" when there were guests at home, you were taught to be polite and nice, even in your all guys gang you were supposed to behave like a “girl”, it was you who got “barbies and soft toys” as birthday gifts:-) (makes me feel nostalgic). Unknowingly, you were being taught to grow up as a symbol of femininity, to grow up as a model of grace, to grow up to be a "perfect woman"...

I am sure my article might grab the attention of a lot of feminists who might not agree with my viewpoint and may blame me for representing women as demure, docile, weak and just an object of desire, so let me clarify I have no such intention, and being a young girl of the new millennium, I am all for a world full of independent and confident women. But there would always be things that makes a woman feel truly feminine, and the pleasure of being so, is all for herself to enjoy. After all, which girl does not like to look beautiful, feel beautiful, on the outside as well the inside. Though, femininity is something that a woman is born with, its there within her, in her heart, in her mind, in her body and in her soul. It’s something that makes a woman happy, confident, and lucky to be born as a woman:-) So, what’s the harm, if some women want to glorify their womanhood or polish their girlish charms by adding something external, which could be perfumes, flowers, dresses, heels, lipsticks, bangles, danglers and the list is endless… There are many for whom femininity is about being pampered by your man, being completely spoilt by your boyfriend, getting married, or for that matter experience the charms of motherhood...

A feminine woman can at the same time be a successful bureaucrat, a top notch CEO, an enthusiast sportsperson, so and so forth. These are just opposite faces of the same coin. Every dimension of being a woman are present in every girl, it depends on an individual that which of these dimensions are dominant. But, you may ask any woman, of any age group, all of them want to look, feel and be feminine. It is kind of inherent. And so is true with men, given an option any guy would want her girl to have the grace of talk, walk, attitude and persona. It’s the softness of "her" words that attract him more than her knowledge on "politics and economy". There are many women who might have enjoyed the thrill of being tom boyish, being in a rowdy gang of guys, doing all sorts of boyish stuff from climbing trees to playing video games, to go on treks and adventurous car rides, to get drunk and try being a chain smoker. But all that can never match the ecstasy of getting pampered at a spa, getting a sexy haircut, shopping endlessly for clothes and accessories, getting your make up done at a parlor, the thrill and excitement of wearing a sari for the first time in your life, the first time a guy holds your hand, the moment of entering your wedding hall, the feeling you got when you got into your bridal outfit…

I know of so many friends who had never even filed their nails in their teens, and now, in their 20's they want everything to be perfect from their hair to hands to feet. Every accessory they own is like a precious piece of gold for them, they wait for an occasion to dress up in a typical Indian outfit, they want every crease on their “much envied by others” black dress to be just right... (mind you I am talking of girls who have spent their quarter of their lives in ganjis and shorts). At some moment or other a girl's feminine side always comes out of the closet and makes her feel like a princess. "Naaz aur Nakhre" is what makes a woman feminine. "Sharam aur Haya" is what makes a “girl” transform into a “woman”. And the transformation can actually be the most beautiful and memorable phase of a girl’s life.

Femininity is something that makes you realize that you are the creator of life. So you deserve to feel and be special in your own right. Its when you value yourself, its when you feel lucky to have been born as a woman, its when your smile says more you’re your words, its when your walk adds to the elegance of your attire, its when you can be confident and demure at the same time, its when you change into a skirt from a business casual you become an all together different woman, its when you feel truly truly beautiful, its when you can make your partner feel like the luckiest man on earth by the thought of having you by his side...
Its when there comes a voice from your inner self that, I AM SHE:-)

So till I login again, feel feminine and smile your way to being a true woman from the inside and the outside...

My random definition of success..

Hi guys...
Just scribbled something after a pleasant evening with friends... Though it has nothing to do with the idiotic yet fun filled talks that I had with them... :-) Still felt like sharing it...

Some intellectual person said, and I find it so true....

"If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you won't.
Success begins with your own will.
It’s all in your state of mind."

Success is nothing but a state of mind. It is based on how we view things relating to our life and career. Success does not only mean obtaining material possessions or career status. True success lies in genuine satisfaction, happiness and contentment with yourself and the world around you. There is no fixed "Mantra" for success. For every individual the meaning and definition of success is different. The significance of an achievement does not lie in the fact, how big or small it is, but it lies in the joy and satisfaction it gives the achiever. With the passage of time, our ambitions and dreams change. As we grow in age, as our lives go through different circumstances and situations, our priorities and perceptions about various things change. Success in one line is translating intention into reality. The most crucial step towards success is SELF-ASSESSMENT. A person, who is able to realize his true potential, is always a step closer to achievement than his counterparts. Effective action is based on true self-expression.

# Do what gives you happiness.
# Do what you are best at.
# Do what you thoroughly enjoy doing.

Before taking any task, ask yourself two questions:
# What you want?
# What are your abilities and where your aptitude lies?

Quite often, there exists a gap between what you want to achieve and your capacities, resources and values. Understanding where personal and professional goals and beliefs differ allow you to make more informed choices. There comes a time in everyone's life when one starts evaluating his or her success. At this point, one starts looking at the sacrifices made along the way and what has one got in return of all the effort, blood and sweat. Some realize that the price paid to reach success was too high. So always ensure that you should not do something that makes you repent after a few years. Compete but don't compromise. Stick to your principles and what you believe is ethically correct.

It is not easy to bring a dream into reality. Without commitment and desire no action is fruitful. Any desire should partner commitment. Difference between desire and drive is the difference between expressing yourself and proving yourself. Desire complemented with drive is rewarding and productive. Never be scared to express your desires but ensure a firm commitment which further requires focus and dedication.

# Don't be a follower, be a trendsetter.
Those who blindly follow the trends always end up being mediocre. Just remember anyone can be famous, rich and known. What is required is to discover one's hidden talents and potentials and appropriate action to tap them. One needs to discover the field in which one can extraordinarily excel.

Success cannot be categorized. Its horizons are as vast as the sky and ofcourse; "Sky is the limit". Truly enjoying life, family, friends, work and all that life has to offer is "Success". So just look deep into your self and discover what can make you successful.

Have a happy search with your definition of success and smile till I login again... :-)

Deceptive Emotions..

Moving in the paths of life,
I came across a face,
chasing the dreams of life,
I noticed a smile,
as life ceased for a while...

Those innocent eyes and the infectious smile,
the charm so pleasing,
thoughts and words, all so amazing,
the genuineness of every expression,
emotions full of love and affection,
so true and tender in every action...

Oh! so unfortunate was the day, I met you,
something that I admired,
was just the appearance,
what lay ahead was a menace...

Appearances are deceptive, how true,
I realised when I met you,
someone who appeared so full of life,
was so hollow and empty inside,
never judge from the looks I learnt,
your gestures left my heart hurt...

Emotions and feelings I felt for me,
a friend forever, to be,
care and concern as far I could see,
a mere fantasy it was,
leaving behind harsh scars...

People come and go,
to move on is what I know,
blanking out the past,
carrying forward memories to treasure,
to come across some, is a nightmare,
to meet a few, is a pleasure,
to go on, move on,
be at peace in mind and heart, is life's art...

Religious: Are you sure?

Hi people,

I am back again feeling "really" good about the fact that I am finally able to devote the much deserved time to my "first love", writing:-) And strangely, I actually am able to think about topics, which till a few months back were completely out of sync with my thinking frequency or I should aptly put it as things that were beyond the domain and intelligence quotient of my queer brain:-)

"Religion" has always been something, about which I have had very unclear thoughts. Though, I am still not very sure about what it is, why it is, where did it actually originate, how is it different from its new counter part spirituality.. Still, I am just making an amateur attempt to try and sum up some random thoughts about the most debatable political and social issue of our times.. So in case any of my random thoughts seem incorrect or unethical or immoral, I mean NO OFFENCE to anyone and I apologize.. I am not making any statement here, or not trying to criticize anybody else's point of me. What I am jotting down in the next few stanzas are just my opinion which you may or may not agree with. And anyways, I believe that "Religion is to each their own".
I go to the "Gurudwara" once a week. I clasp my hands, close my eyes, and say a prayer, twice a day. I visit the temple on special occasions, I look towards the almighty when I am not in the best of my spirits, and I share my desires in my personal talk with GOD. There are many like me and there are many who do even more. So can we all take pride in calling ourselves RELIGIOUS. I have doubts.. Had going to a sacred place of worship, solely being considered religion, there would have been very few atheists. Religion for me is much more than that, or I can say it is something completely beyond all these day to day practices.

You go to the temple everyday, perform rituals in the well ornated and embellished, marble polished temple in your "pooja room" at home, but during the day you wrong a hundred people whom you come across in your business deals. I doubt you conform to be called religious or may be you can be called religious but in no means spiritual. Well, that brings me to the point of contention, how does the two terms differ, religion and spirituality. In simple terms, according to me, religion is specific, while spirituality is holistic. Spirituality is nothing but a kind of self awareness. Ironically it’s more to do with non-materialistic self awareness rather than materialistic. Though, in no way spirituality teaches you to be a saint, you don’t really have to bereft or abstain yourself from the luxuries and whims & fancies of the world. You don’t really have to change your attire to saffron kurtas and jholas. You could be as "hep" as the latest model in town and yet be spiritual. It just teaches you not to be dependent or bound by the chains of your mind's and heart's unending desires. It just connects you to a greater power that lies above the world somewhere in the universe.

I know its getting a little too much and too heavy:-) But all these "seemingly saintly" thoughts are a by product my many months of thought process. And I think, I can't find a better sink than my very own blog to share it with the world. And trust me these thoughts have made me a much more peaceful human being. So you have a reason to go on and finish this read.:-)

For that matter, even for religion, it’s something that is not too much dependent on materialistic desires. Though I am not completely against those who say that it’s GOD only from whom you can ask for. (I personally believe in the, "dawa se dua behtar & khuda se maang kar sab milta hai philosophy) But someone once told me, "The best prayer is when you can feel the presence of GOD, anywhere, anytime. when you can close your eyes and just ask for the power and will to believe in the almighty, to have faith, and to love none but GOD. That is the most true kind of prayer and that is what makes you truly religious." And I have come to believe that’s where religion and spirituality amalgamate in each other as two souls in one body. Don't pray for a purpose, don't pray for a reason, pray for your very existence as a human, to connect your external self to your internal powers. Sounds a little too much, coming from someone who is still in her 20's... :-) May be I realized it a little earlier than the rest of you would.

I am already above my set limit of words I had planned to write and I still have so much more to say. Well if you are tired sitting in front of your computer screen, or your boss is standing on your head watching what you are doing, come back after a while but don’t skip it half way :-)

Religion and spirituality, both are very subjective matters, so it is kind of difficult to comment objectively and answer objective questions about them. But, what bothers me most in today's times is the misuse of religion by all sects of people for their own benefit. The more stature you have in society, the more easily you can define or defy laws of the religious scriptures and text. Somewhere, religion and wealth go hand in hand in this age of corruption. If you have one, it automatically grants you the power to play with the other. I shall not get into the statics and dynamics of this, since that would require an entirely separate post. So let’s leave that for some other time.

Religion is goodness of the soul. You may not visit a place of worship for a decade but still you could be religious, if you can connect to the inner goodness of your soul, and implement the same by being kind and understanding with family, friends, colleagues or even by giving a helping hand to someone who is a complete stranger. You can be religious by just sharing a little amount of your hugely amassed wealth and few minutes of your busy schedule with an orphan or a destitute woman. Charity, provided it comes from the heart, according to me is the greatest and best form of religion. Religion is tolerance, it is the strength to admire someone's kind gesture, it is the ability not to be jealous of a peer's instant success, it is the smile you share with others, it is to be part of your friend or family's happiness even if things are not that great for your own self.

Religion and spirituality may be different in many regards but they are sort of part of each other. Spirituality can be seen as a broader extension of religion. By the description of religion as stated above, even an atheist, in some sense could be called religious or more aptly spiritual. An atheist might know more about religion and spirituality than a person who worships everyday. Religion could be seen as a specific case of spirituality but one thing that binds them together is welfare of mankind. So whether you are regular in your prayers or not, whether you go to a place of worship everyday or once in a decade, just be good and see the healing effect it has on you. Strangely, the depth of this topic seems so endless that I can't really come to a conclusion for this piece.

So till I login again, just keep the faith and smile:-)