Generation Gap: How well do you understand your teenager???

 

Hi guys, after the long and heated debate on the last post, I am back again with something really intersting.. Well first of all, it gives me immense pleasure and motivation to see my readers coming up with their varied viewpoints on the issues I write about.. So here is something which again could be "thought-provoking". The age old saga of "generation gap". Though I myself is a 20 something, but I think I can help you understand your teenager a little better.. :-) No it is not a Good Parenting Guide, I am not eligible to write a one:-D But just, my way of viewing the changes in the perceptions of kids who are a decade younger than me.

Parents, when their offspring sit on the fence between childhood and adolescents look back nostalgically on the days when their children had not learned to speak, were cute and hung on every word that their parents said. Suddenly, they try to become individuals in their own right and wish nothing but to fly above and beyond the protective wings of their parents. It is a common sight to see teenagers aged 13-17 discussing about the so-called “freedom”. The minute parents give them a curfew or object to their clothes or hair dos or do not allow them to go away for the weekend, “Generation gap” becomes the buzzword. Well, the beauty of this whole situation is that there has never been a time in history when parents and their children did not share such differences. These differences of opinion, account for what is known as “Generation Gap”.

Whether it’s trivial issues like the clothes in fashion, or something as crucial as considering various career options or seeing someone from the opposite sex, there has always been a difference in the way youngsters take things and the lines on which the older generation thinks. Parents often tend to forget that once they were teenagers too. Although as the basic norms of Indian society are changing, people are becoming more open-minded. Well, though the whole definition of being “open minded” or “broad minded” can call for another never ending debate. Leaving that debate for some other time, the fact remains that difference in opinion still exists. Issues like dating, live-in relationships, night outs, discussing issues relating sex are still debatable in most of the middle class and high middle class families. Parents may feel a little discarded, as “friends” and “boy/girl friends” become all important to their children. It is absolutely normal for a teenager to go through such a phase. This can be very hurtful for parents, but they should not take it personally. It is just a passing phase.

Parents have the “WE” concept. Youth often believes in the principles of independence, privacy and individual identity. They function more on the “I” concept. Parents have perspectives based on their upbringing in Asian home country, while the youth acquire their references from becoming “Americanized”. During teenage years, there are enormous attractions and distractions. The curious mind wants to try it all. From smoking to drinking to drugs to experimenting with their sexuality. They try anything and everything just to be “in” with the crowd. I am not generalizing but many of them do it just for this reason. At this point of time don’t play a dreadful dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, communication is the key. Don’t pose yourself as their enemies. Lay down the ground rules right in the beginning.

Generation gap is not a new concept, it existed even when our parents were teenagers. By appropriate and effective measures this gap can be bridged. To interpret and understand the teenage or young mind is difficult but not impossible. If basic emotional bond blended with fluent and adequate communication does not exist between the youth and the older generation, conflict and tensions are bound to arise. To bridge this gap, listening should be given more importance than advising. To listen to viewpoints of youth and then to acknowledge them is vital. This is not very easy for an average parent, but every parent should at least give it a try.


# Become your children’s friend but not just to dig out their secrets. Be their friend in the true sense. When arguing over an issue, before taking any decision, put yourself at their position and analyze the feelings that your child is going through.

# Always remember that it’s not the quantity but the quality of time that you spend with your children, that matters. If your children do not spend much time with you, it does not mean they don’t love you.

# Most parents encourage their children when they achieve something. But don’t forget that your children need your support when they go through something traumatic. For instance, when your child is cheated by a friend, when he gets low grades in college or for that matter when he or she “breaks up” with his/her girlfriend or boyfriend.

# College going girls and boys want to stay out till odd hours of the night, parents must make them understand that if they want to party hard, they must also work hard. Parents must tell them that if they want to go for a night out they must at least inform them.

# Give your child some privacy and personal space. Don’t poke your nose in each of their matter. Don’t ask for details every time they get a call on their cell-phones. Be open to them and most importantly trust them.

# Treat your children with respect. Don’t “yell” at them all the time. Consider their advice when taking important decisions. Don’t decide for them, let them take their own decisions. Let them choose their careers according to their own wish and support their stands.

# At times, let your children make their own mistakes and learn from them. Don’t spoon feed them. Just remember that in this era of internet and exposure, a teenager is grown up enough to choose his or her friends. Let your children grow emotionally and mentally on their own. Don’t force your ideologies on them.

The communication part has to be mutual. The onus lies with the youngsters also. They should encourage their parents to ventilate their feelings and concerns by listening to them with empathy and concern. Showing sincerity and respect to older generation helps them understand the principles, ethics and philosophy of new generation. All this may sound a bit difficult but a healthy communication between generations is very much possible. Just remember how you made your first friend. Open your minds and hearts for each other.

Don’t forget that someday your "cute" babies grow up and when the time comes you must let them go and find their own destination in life. You cannot protect your children forever and if you try to do so they won’t thank you for this. It’s bitter but it is the truth.

Smile till I login again:-)

PS:I am anticipating some heated discussions on the post like the previous one..

It's still a man's world... Why?

This is something I strongly feel about, so here it is without much description or declarations... Read on...

There are absolutely, no second thoughts about the fact that the Indian woman has very successfully established herself in various fields and spheres of life. Today, she is working as a renowned politician, lawyer, doctor, poet, writer, painter, social worker, the list is endless. And noticeable is the fact that she has come out with flying colors in every role she has played. In every circumstance she has shown her worth. Then why is that men still dominate our society? Even today, in many families a girl’s aspirations are heartlessly put down by her own father, brother or husband.

Preference for boys in India has been a long-lived and shamefully a valued tradition with not many “even” trying to change it. Indian men have to realize and accept that a woman is as important to the world as themselves. This inequality is deep-rooted in every part of India. To broaden the social, political and cultural horizons of our nation, it is extremely important to grant the liberty to our women, which they rightfully deserve.

It is unfair, that most top positions in the society like company directors, CEOs, Managers, judges etc are predominantly occupied by men. Statistics prove that there is no difference between the quality of work done by men and women. Then, why this discrimination? In regard to women’s achievements we cannot afford to forget that the first test tube baby was successfully operated by a woman gynecologist.

An average Indian parent has always been very open-minded for their boys but when it comes to girl "the society" factor crops up. Though, most parents today provide equal education opportunities to their boys and girls but when it comes to going out to work, they are frequently discouraged and taught that family life is the sole motto of their existence. While making career choices, girls are usually not encouraged to take up engineering subjects or late night jobs which are believed to require great amount of physical strength. I wonder where does the so called concerned society lives when the same girl handles huge and heavy utensils while cooking and cleaning, carrying water for long distances in scorching heat or plough the fields in villages.

Most families, at least in rural areas, wishes to give the best to their boys. Amongst the urban starta, also the difference persists. The limits have to be there, but they should be same for both the sexes. If a boy is outspoken, friendly or mischievous, he is said to be an all rounder or candid, but if the girl is synonymous to any of these she is typecast as one with a loose character. If a boy wants to marry the girl of his choice he is said to be mature enough to make his own decisions. But, at the same time the girl is forced upon to marry the guy of her parent’s choice with the argument that parents know best for her secure and happy future. Again the question arises, why the man dominates?

Guru Nanak, conveys the strength of a woman very truthfully and aptly through the Sikh scripture:
“In a woman, man is conceived,
From a woman, he is born,
With a woman he is betrothed and married,
With a woman he contracts friendship.
Why denounce her, the one from even kings are born?
From a woman a woman is born,
None may exist a without a woman.”

Let the woman decide for herself, do and say what her own mind and heart believes in. It has been high time that women are given their rightful place in society.

# Education has to play a major role in this. To completely iron out the inequalities that persists in our society, education is very important. It is the best way to ensure sound and secure future generations.

# The key also lies in the hands of economic independence of women. If a woman is economically independent, then only she will be mentally strong to shun the discrimination against her and answer back to this male dominated society.

# Health of a woman is also of prime importance, because to take up any challenge one has to be physically and mentally fit.

# Women empowerment should happen in the true sense. Of late, it has been reduced to merely a topic for politicians to speak. Empowerment has to come from within. The women have to realize their worth and power themselves first before the society realizes it. We have to change the mentality of the society, while staying within the parameters of the society.

# Most importantly, the psyche of man has to be transformed. Girls have made many adjustments over the years. It is time for the boys to learn the meaning of the word “Adjust” and implement in their lives. Men have ruled for quite a long.  Women must now stop catering to the whims and fancies of the men as unpaid servants. Mothers need to teach their boys right from a very young age to treat women with respect. It is time when men start contributing equally in the domestic chores.

Complete empowerment of women lies in giving them complete freedom without any ifs and buts or social and moral obligations. There is a famous saying, “women hold up half of the sky”. So let them be free to spread their wings of humanity across the horizon of that sky.

Help empowering a friend, a sibling, a domestic help, a girl, a woman. Give them the smile they deserve for long till I login again :-)

Honour Killing: A heinous crime in the name of respect...

Till a few decades back, social evils like Sati, child marriage & dowry deaths were eating the foundation of Indian society like a termite. In new age India, a barbaric and atrocious form of crime called HONOUR KILLING is on the rise. Shamefully most of these killings are caste based, that makes it more than a crime, the worst form of social evil. It actually brings us to the conclusion that it may take several decades before India as a nation, as a society can become truly and practically progressive.

The recent case of murder of Delhi based journalist Nirupama Pathak by her own mother for falling in love with a boy from a lower caste is just one of the examples. If you flip across the newspapers of past few years, one might find it a regular activity especially in the northern states of UP, Bihar, Haryana and Punjab. Shockingly most of these killings are "socially" approved by the local authorities; therefore, there might be so many cases that just go unregistered as there is no one to file a complaint against the perpetrators. It is a harsh truth that the stigma of caste and creed still sticks to the Indian mindset; the caste hierarchy still dominates the very structure of our society. Moreover, it’s doubtful whether any form of education or awareness will help us to rise above such social issues. But the question is that, are these killings really for the honour or the ego, whether these are in the name of religion or in the name of just a community which is trying to prove its social dominance. No form of honour or religion teaches you to ruthlessly kill your very own children or propagate violence and murder of innocent people. It’s a matter of shame that in the world's largest democracy, a rightful and legal citizen of the country is still devoid of the privilege to exercise his/her fundamental rights.

The problem is grim and the statistics show it’s increasing by the day. So where and what exactly the solution is. Is it education, awareness, stringent laws, active policing, or innovative policies to support the vulnerable? Education, I really doubt will be able to do the needful, no sermons in the text of school and college books could teach us to stand against social evils. There has to be very different form of education, there is a need for “social” education which can be better imparted through advertisements, TV shows & films, street plays and most importantly bringing forth live examples. All these form of media have a big impact on the psyche of viewers especially those from lower and middle class. There needs to be laws specific to honour killings, and not to mention these laws need to be stringent, with fast court trials so that the perpetrators have something to stop them before they attempt such a heinous crime. There needs to be special organizations or "active" organizations and NGOs that can provide special support to those who fear such consequences for their decision, from their communities. Even with all such measures it will take time to remove this terrorized and inhumane crime labeled as the need of the society by some psychic people. We as the youth of the nation can join hands to introduce those living in the 19th century to the new India. The India that knows of only two kinds of people, the good and the bad. No caste no race no color no community.

Think about it till I login again...

Lost...

Few heart wrenching lines that I wrote few months back, found in some old crumpled papers, just felt like sharing with my readers... The poem may be a little depressing, so please bear:-)

My heart filled with questions,
My eyes lost in a hustle & ears in disturbing sound,
In search of some and answers to some I found,
A perturbing confusion embrace my heart and soul,
Life seems nothing more than a vacant core…

Striving to be elated and much more,
Every cherished moment is turning sour,
In the depth of my emotions, craving to learn life’s chores,
Words can’t describe my sorrow,
From every passing pulse, peace and serenity I try to borrow…

Life seems no less than hell,
Sanctity of my soul broken with unpleasant bells,
An undefined restlessness occupies my state of mind,
Unknown reasons for this phase I try to find,
I no more admire the beauty of the rising sun,
The moonlit sky, to me seems so dull…

Smile in the lows of life also till I login again:-)

Emancipation of women: Is it just a long-cherished dream???

This post seems to be long to the extent of being unending, but it speaks about something which needs to be adressed as present day's biggest social evil.. Have a look...

“Three beautiful, and vivacious flowers with a light within them that can brighten a million lives and make their family and nation proud of them, but only if they are permitted to empower themselves by the orthodox and conventional society in which they are unfortunately born. Aged ten, twelve and fourteen, these three budding flowers are a part of typical conservative middle-class family where all the hopes are pinned to their brother. Reason for this discrimination, the age-old theory that gives supremacy to the male child and a sense of humiliating indifference and disrespect to the girls. The mother of four young & immature children, an uneducated housewife who hails from a small village in Punjab, who is still stuck with the notion that was put into her mind since childhood that life and dreams of a girl is confined to four walls of the house. She herself was made to leave her schooling after class 8 and was married off at the tender age of 15 to a potbellied businessman who has least respect for women. The three girls consider themselves lucky that at least they are getting the rare opportunity to complete their schooling unlike their mother. But at the end of it all, their destiny might not be any different. They would eventually be left to live at the mercy of some chauvinist male once their father marries them off. And they might also not get the opportunity to fight for their social, political, economical and the very basic emotional rights(human rights). The lives of the three young girls are even now not less than hell. Every moment they witness all the motherly love, the unending pampering and affection of the family being showered on their brother. On the contrary, no one has ever desired to take a deep look into the heart of these girls. Given a chance one of them holds the caliber to make a successful career. To be a lawyer or a doctor or a decent professor. Unfortunately, she knows that she does not even have the right to dream something of that stature. The one who is 12 years of age has been gifted by a talent that can transform her into a renowned poet or writer. But its her bad luck that she was born into a family where one day all her exquisite pieces of poetry would be dumped in the chimney of the household kitchen. And the youngest one, is still too small to envision what the future holds for her and that her life is already etched out by her parents. Worse, as it gets, the three impressionable minds watch their brutal and alcoholic father giving endless beatings to their mother very often. In turn the frustrated mother pours all her anger on the poor girls. I wonder what these girls must be going through and more importantly what impact such cruel scenes would have on their future lives.”

The above story(though its fictional) shows the harsh reality of Indian social setup. Such discrimination in one form or the other is paramount even amongst the most educated and elite families. There are lakhs of girls who are denied the basic human rights and sense of respect, dignity and security. So many young girls are raped, others become the victim of domestic violence, kidnappings, dowry deaths. To add to the irony, there is the growing concept of incest and marital rape. All this throws enough light on the hollowness of government’s claim to have emancipated or empowered the women of our country. Emancipation of women has been reduced to a mere topic for the public figures to give unending speeches on. In reality, most of us are not even aware of the true meaning of emancipation of women. Emancipation of women refers to freeing them from the control of others and give them the right to make their own choices. How can we make this long cherished dream of empowering women a reality? It is difficult to remove the deep- rooted evils that demean the stature of women but with sincere and innovative efforts, it can be dealt with.

# The best way is encouraging women to build the confidence, first in themselves and then others. Each woman needs to respect the other. Don’t forget that charity begins only at home. This is possible only if women stop exploiting other women, which mainly includes mother-daughter, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law, siblings and friends.

# Another imperative step towards emancipation is instilling a sense of confidence and self-faith in girls right from childhood and they should be taught to take pride in being a woman.

This also reminds me of the ballyhoo that is created around the woman’s day every year. I am not exactly against it but I feel rather than flashing greetings and flowers and socialites flaunting their designer labels at the typical page 3 parties; let’s have a reality check. Emancipation cannot be limited to including a handful of names from international beauty pageants or one or two women making it big in sports or winning accolades in science & technology. Educating the uneducated and liberating them from orthodox notions, making stringent laws and making their strict implementation possible are a few basic steps towards true emancipation of women. An environment conducive enough for the suffering women to come up and fight for their rights and security is the key to empowerment of women in the true sense. The mantra is that come out of the fire well in which you are being burnt for the only reason that you were born as the so called weaker sex. Gather the courage, unite and fight, fight because it’s your life and you have the sole right on how to live it.

Think about it till I login again...

Love???

Just one simple question to begin this post, have you ever sat and thought, "What is Love":-) I am sure almost all of you must have atleast once... So what were your respective answers... Well here is an account of the answers I have got on different occassions when I have simply asked myself, What does love mean... :-)

Love, a feeling, an emotion, an expression, a dream, a smile, an ecstasy... so many words yet an experience difficult to put into words.I sit back and think…The most splendid and beautiful emotion of life, love. How do I define it? Is it even possible to define this emotion which is so magnificent, so wonderful?

I look around and think of someone, who first made me feel special or made me feel "loved". I dig deep down memory lane; I am reminded of the days when my mother's tender touch made me feel "loved". Her concern, her care, and the way she would be anxious for me every passing moment even when she was not around. Those evenings come to my mind when I desperately waited at the gate for my loving mum to come home from work. That was my emotion, my "expression of love" for her. Although back then I was too immature to understand this feeling.

Similar were the moments when my dad brought home toys and chocolates to see an unending joy and smile on my face. The way he pampered me, the way he got upset and he still does when a tear trickles down my eye.
Those were the very first and most memorable times of my life, when I realized that I am "special, I am dear to someone and someone "selflessly loves" me.

I move ahead and flip across the pages of the most cherished chapters of my life... A phase of life that belongs to the beautiful flowers, which brighten the garden of my life forever, flowers called friends. I close my eyes to remember the games we played together, the pranks, the parties, the unending gossips, calls till the wee hours of morning, the struggle for marks, bunking classes, writing on desks, crushes so exciting, getting wet in the rains... there is so much that comes to my mind. Emotions and moments are a part of the very core of my heart. A helping hand that is always there for me, some absolutely amazing people who are just a call away. They are an integral part of me with whom I share every secret, every thought, every joy, and every sorrow. They mean "love" to me.

As I go through some of the most special and pleasing pictures of my life, I realize that there have been so many people around who "love" me. I lie down, relax and try to look in future... A future that promises peace, serenity and again "love"... Love of that someone so so special, love that I have never experienced before, love so new in its meaning, so magnificent in its existence. In the mirror of future I see the one with whom I will walk by the coming years of my life, forever & ever, till death parts us. Someone whose presence gives my life new dreams, a new meaning, a new dimension. Someone who gives me moments that make life more beautiful than ever before. That "someone" also means "love" to me...

Family, Friends, people who know me, who get to know my emotions even before I express them, all of them "love" me. Love, a feeling that has so many shades to it, an emotion that can not be associated with one single person or one single event. Love, it is something that cannot be categorized. We love our parents, friends, siblings, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancée... the list is endless.

Love is an emotion that two people share who know each other's mind and heart, by simply looking at the other person's very first facial expression. Love is a connection between two hearts. Love is something that can only be expressed by the warmth of eyes, joy of a smile, a tender touch. Love is beyond we express, beyond we feel, and beyond we see. Love is someone who stands with you in the darkest hour of your life.
Life is difficult, full of trials, obstacles, ups and the downs, fears, pains and sorrows...."Love" makes life beautiful and worth living....

Feel the feeling of love and smile till I login again :-)

I owe it to you!!!

You came in my life, as a pleasant breeze,
with you came a euphoria, I wish would never end,
I closed my eyes, and held your hand,
to be lost forever, in a world never seen before,
You showed me the path to love…

My dreams were yours, my smiles belonged to you,
every tear in my eye, was whenever you felt low,
seeds of joy and ecstasy, together we sowed,
Immense pleasure and peace to my life, you gave,
I cherish the day, in my life you came…

Memories of the moments spent with you,
and the evenings we spent together,
leaves of good times, I pick and gather,
World of no concern, only you who matters,
You are my dream, my destination,
For me, God’s most wonderful creation…

You came in my life, it was destiny,
moments memorable, in future will be many,
a phase of life to live forever,
a fragrance, a beat, a musical note,
so precious is every word you quote…

My expressions speak more than my words do,
One fear the bothers me,
what would I be without you,
You are a part of me, my identity includes you,
I owe my life to you, you and only you…

Smile till I login again:-)

Are men shy or are they genetically inexpressive???

Hi guys, Sorry for the long-long break, but here I am, back again with something that has always fascinated me, the so-called male psyche in relationships. Most men complain that it’s the women who are complicated. But, some how, I am of the opinion that it isn’t either easy to understand men. It takes time, dedication, patience and nurturing lasting bonds before you get to the core of a man’s heart and mind, be it your father, brother, friend, husband, boyfriend. So taking this interesting topic ahead, let me today talk about something that all women must have felt at some time in their life. Are men really shy in expressing themselves, or is it they are just programmed to be so, quiet and inexpressive of their emotions in love.

Men are usually uneasy with relationships. When a man feels something for a woman, he takes a lot of time to come to terms with this feeling. At first there is dilemma to segregate love from lust since both are integral to a man’s psychology. Well, it is integral to female psychology also, but I believe a woman easily distinguish between the true love and a mere physical attraction or infatuation. Women are more intelligent, I guess:-) Jokes apart, men often can’t differentiate between subtle differences in variations of their own thoughts. So in such a state they have no option but to refrain from acceptance of the eternal truth of falling in love. Moreover, men usually try to find logic in everything even the emotions they experience, which is practically impossible. Emotions and logic doesn’t go hand in hand.:-)

It seems that genetically, beautiful sensitivities like love and emotions don’t really go well with the male: the chauvinist and impregnable version of a homo sapien. What is the reason behind men not being very indicative about their feelings for a woman, the woman who rule their minds, hearts and dreams. Is it fear, confusion, ego, nonchalance, or diffidence? The answer varies in content and extent from person to person. Men remain inexpressive of their inmost feelings for different reasons. Many of my male friends would agree, men are generally shy or hesitant when they propose the girl of their dreams for the first time. Many men try and act cool that it doesn’t really matter but the fact remains that it is not easy for any human being to accept rejection in any sphere of life. But for those who are already in a relationship, its not fear of rejection or diffidence. The extent to which they express largely depends on the level of seriousness and commitment involved. There are some who bear the notion that it’s not “manly” to be emotional. According to surveys, men who are emotional understand a woman better. But even an emotional man would not be as open and as good with words as a woman would be. For the simple reason, that they can't blabber, they cant repeat the same thing again and again in different ways, they just try to keep things SIMPLE.:-)

Different men have different circumstances and thus have different ways of their expression of love and affection. Some believe that it’s just the confusion that makes men less candid in love. Men are too engrossed in their usual boys stuff that they in most cases neither desire nor dare to look deep inside and ask themselves “ how deeply they feel for a girl”? Also, in some circumstances, pain from past changes the way someone  lives in the present and future. Life is unfair, relationships are queer, and ego multiplies the extent of complexity in love. And that can be another reason that stop men from being loud about their love interests. A lot of men are waiting for the fresh change where women take on the brave act of proposing. Women have always been asking for equal rights, so why don’t they rightfully play the part of initiating a relationship. Surveys show that guys adore and admire women making the first move. Well, no doubt we have quite an ample number of bold gals to answer back to such egoistic freaks. Times have changed and girls unapologetically and gracefully say “I do” before their man says so.

Last but not the least, we have the commitment phobic men. They fear expressing their love as expression strengthens a relation further and takes it a step nearer to commitment. So probably when we say men shy away, it’s like virtually saying they shy away from commitment, from responsibility and from solemnizing a relation with a strong and firm foundation. Men can commit to education, career, work and to hobbies and their passions, but when it comes to committing to a girl they get jitters that shake them to the core. Man-Woman relationship has always been a point of contention and it will remain so for many years to come. It is because this relation is so very dynamic; it has so many unpredictable and irrational dimensions. It is in simple words human behavior that changes each moment, each day. Women feel men are less expressive but may be it’s just in the relative sense, as men believe women are over expressive.:-)

There are questions in life that don’t have exact answers and when questions pertain to relationships, there can’t be any politically and emotionally correct ones. So for all those men out their who had been inexpressive in voicing their deepest emotions hidden inside the core of their heart, just know that faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy. All you hot hunks, and cool guys out there just take it easy. If you have faith in your heart and love in your sight, just go ahead and bring the two together and say it, say it aloud to the girl of your dreams, to your fiancée, or even to the beautiful lady whom you married 10 years ago. The magic of those three golden word, ”I Love you” will fill your life with a new meaning each time you say them. So don’t shy away, just express, and express with a charm, with an attitude that sweeps your girl off her feet.

And for all you women out there, here’s a little piece of advice,

Men are strange creatures,
They’ll hate you; they’ll irritate you,
They’ll call you emotional fools,
They’ll tease you with stupid names,
They’ll deny you; they’ll defy you,
They can be shy or bold,
But their breaths are in your hold,
Beneath all fears, beneath all pretence,
The truth prevails; they cant live without you,
Yes, indeed, Oh! Woman, the man is incomplete without you!!!

So try understanding your man and smile till I login again :-)

I am SHE!

Excuse me.. Before you jump to any conclusion from the title that the post is about Sushmita Sen's newly launched platform about choosing Miss Universe participant from the country, it has nothing to do with it. Somehow for the contents that I am going to pour in the next few stanzas, I could not find a better caption. Also a warning for all the boys, the post can be really boring for you, as for the female gang, I am sure you would love to read this... :-) Still the boys can also give it a shot, if they are fond of reading or if they are a fan of my writings:-)

"Elegance" and "Charisma" are characteristics of a true woman, a subtle smile can win more hearts than a loud laughter, a shy twinkle in the eye can be more captivating than a candid eye contact, those tiny-miny shorts can look really hot & sexy but an elegant evening dress or a stylish sari can gather much more attention, a graceful walk can add a strong feminine factor to someone’s persona, the art of laying the table can fetch more appreciation than ways of handling a high profile board meeting, pampering at a spa, diamonds and handbags, long silky hair left unopened, high heels & perfectly pedicured feet, makes you feel "SHE". Have you ever wondered that where did you actually learnt these gestures that make you a WOMAN, that make you FEMININE.

Just go back in time and you would find the answer. While growing up you were always taught to be “prim & proper” when you went out to play, a birthday party, or a fancy dress, you were asked to "behave yourself" when there were guests at home, you were taught to be polite and nice, even in your all guys gang you were supposed to behave like a “girl”, it was you who got “barbies and soft toys” as birthday gifts:-) (makes me feel nostalgic). Unknowingly, you were being taught to grow up as a symbol of femininity, to grow up as a model of grace, to grow up to be a "perfect woman"...

I am sure my article might grab the attention of a lot of feminists who might not agree with my viewpoint and may blame me for representing women as demure, docile, weak and just an object of desire, so let me clarify I have no such intention, and being a young girl of the new millennium, I am all for a world full of independent and confident women. But there would always be things that makes a woman feel truly feminine, and the pleasure of being so, is all for herself to enjoy. After all, which girl does not like to look beautiful, feel beautiful, on the outside as well the inside. Though, femininity is something that a woman is born with, its there within her, in her heart, in her mind, in her body and in her soul. It’s something that makes a woman happy, confident, and lucky to be born as a woman:-) So, what’s the harm, if some women want to glorify their womanhood or polish their girlish charms by adding something external, which could be perfumes, flowers, dresses, heels, lipsticks, bangles, danglers and the list is endless… There are many for whom femininity is about being pampered by your man, being completely spoilt by your boyfriend, getting married, or for that matter experience the charms of motherhood...

A feminine woman can at the same time be a successful bureaucrat, a top notch CEO, an enthusiast sportsperson, so and so forth. These are just opposite faces of the same coin. Every dimension of being a woman are present in every girl, it depends on an individual that which of these dimensions are dominant. But, you may ask any woman, of any age group, all of them want to look, feel and be feminine. It is kind of inherent. And so is true with men, given an option any guy would want her girl to have the grace of talk, walk, attitude and persona. It’s the softness of "her" words that attract him more than her knowledge on "politics and economy". There are many women who might have enjoyed the thrill of being tom boyish, being in a rowdy gang of guys, doing all sorts of boyish stuff from climbing trees to playing video games, to go on treks and adventurous car rides, to get drunk and try being a chain smoker. But all that can never match the ecstasy of getting pampered at a spa, getting a sexy haircut, shopping endlessly for clothes and accessories, getting your make up done at a parlor, the thrill and excitement of wearing a sari for the first time in your life, the first time a guy holds your hand, the moment of entering your wedding hall, the feeling you got when you got into your bridal outfit…

I know of so many friends who had never even filed their nails in their teens, and now, in their 20's they want everything to be perfect from their hair to hands to feet. Every accessory they own is like a precious piece of gold for them, they wait for an occasion to dress up in a typical Indian outfit, they want every crease on their “much envied by others” black dress to be just right... (mind you I am talking of girls who have spent their quarter of their lives in ganjis and shorts). At some moment or other a girl's feminine side always comes out of the closet and makes her feel like a princess. "Naaz aur Nakhre" is what makes a woman feminine. "Sharam aur Haya" is what makes a “girl” transform into a “woman”. And the transformation can actually be the most beautiful and memorable phase of a girl’s life.

Femininity is something that makes you realize that you are the creator of life. So you deserve to feel and be special in your own right. Its when you value yourself, its when you feel lucky to have been born as a woman, its when your smile says more you’re your words, its when your walk adds to the elegance of your attire, its when you can be confident and demure at the same time, its when you change into a skirt from a business casual you become an all together different woman, its when you feel truly truly beautiful, its when you can make your partner feel like the luckiest man on earth by the thought of having you by his side...
Its when there comes a voice from your inner self that, I AM SHE:-)

So till I login again, feel feminine and smile your way to being a true woman from the inside and the outside...