Generation Gap: How well do you understand your teenager???

 

Hi guys, after the long and heated debate on the last post, I am back again with something really intersting.. Well first of all, it gives me immense pleasure and motivation to see my readers coming up with their varied viewpoints on the issues I write about.. So here is something which again could be "thought-provoking". The age old saga of "generation gap". Though I myself is a 20 something, but I think I can help you understand your teenager a little better.. :-) No it is not a Good Parenting Guide, I am not eligible to write a one:-D But just, my way of viewing the changes in the perceptions of kids who are a decade younger than me.

Parents, when their offspring sit on the fence between childhood and adolescents look back nostalgically on the days when their children had not learned to speak, were cute and hung on every word that their parents said. Suddenly, they try to become individuals in their own right and wish nothing but to fly above and beyond the protective wings of their parents. It is a common sight to see teenagers aged 13-17 discussing about the so-called “freedom”. The minute parents give them a curfew or object to their clothes or hair dos or do not allow them to go away for the weekend, “Generation gap” becomes the buzzword. Well, the beauty of this whole situation is that there has never been a time in history when parents and their children did not share such differences. These differences of opinion, account for what is known as “Generation Gap”.

Whether it’s trivial issues like the clothes in fashion, or something as crucial as considering various career options or seeing someone from the opposite sex, there has always been a difference in the way youngsters take things and the lines on which the older generation thinks. Parents often tend to forget that once they were teenagers too. Although as the basic norms of Indian society are changing, people are becoming more open-minded. Well, though the whole definition of being “open minded” or “broad minded” can call for another never ending debate. Leaving that debate for some other time, the fact remains that difference in opinion still exists. Issues like dating, live-in relationships, night outs, discussing issues relating sex are still debatable in most of the middle class and high middle class families. Parents may feel a little discarded, as “friends” and “boy/girl friends” become all important to their children. It is absolutely normal for a teenager to go through such a phase. This can be very hurtful for parents, but they should not take it personally. It is just a passing phase.

Parents have the “WE” concept. Youth often believes in the principles of independence, privacy and individual identity. They function more on the “I” concept. Parents have perspectives based on their upbringing in Asian home country, while the youth acquire their references from becoming “Americanized”. During teenage years, there are enormous attractions and distractions. The curious mind wants to try it all. From smoking to drinking to drugs to experimenting with their sexuality. They try anything and everything just to be “in” with the crowd. I am not generalizing but many of them do it just for this reason. At this point of time don’t play a dreadful dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, communication is the key. Don’t pose yourself as their enemies. Lay down the ground rules right in the beginning.

Generation gap is not a new concept, it existed even when our parents were teenagers. By appropriate and effective measures this gap can be bridged. To interpret and understand the teenage or young mind is difficult but not impossible. If basic emotional bond blended with fluent and adequate communication does not exist between the youth and the older generation, conflict and tensions are bound to arise. To bridge this gap, listening should be given more importance than advising. To listen to viewpoints of youth and then to acknowledge them is vital. This is not very easy for an average parent, but every parent should at least give it a try.


# Become your children’s friend but not just to dig out their secrets. Be their friend in the true sense. When arguing over an issue, before taking any decision, put yourself at their position and analyze the feelings that your child is going through.

# Always remember that it’s not the quantity but the quality of time that you spend with your children, that matters. If your children do not spend much time with you, it does not mean they don’t love you.

# Most parents encourage their children when they achieve something. But don’t forget that your children need your support when they go through something traumatic. For instance, when your child is cheated by a friend, when he gets low grades in college or for that matter when he or she “breaks up” with his/her girlfriend or boyfriend.

# College going girls and boys want to stay out till odd hours of the night, parents must make them understand that if they want to party hard, they must also work hard. Parents must tell them that if they want to go for a night out they must at least inform them.

# Give your child some privacy and personal space. Don’t poke your nose in each of their matter. Don’t ask for details every time they get a call on their cell-phones. Be open to them and most importantly trust them.

# Treat your children with respect. Don’t “yell” at them all the time. Consider their advice when taking important decisions. Don’t decide for them, let them take their own decisions. Let them choose their careers according to their own wish and support their stands.

# At times, let your children make their own mistakes and learn from them. Don’t spoon feed them. Just remember that in this era of internet and exposure, a teenager is grown up enough to choose his or her friends. Let your children grow emotionally and mentally on their own. Don’t force your ideologies on them.

The communication part has to be mutual. The onus lies with the youngsters also. They should encourage their parents to ventilate their feelings and concerns by listening to them with empathy and concern. Showing sincerity and respect to older generation helps them understand the principles, ethics and philosophy of new generation. All this may sound a bit difficult but a healthy communication between generations is very much possible. Just remember how you made your first friend. Open your minds and hearts for each other.

Don’t forget that someday your "cute" babies grow up and when the time comes you must let them go and find their own destination in life. You cannot protect your children forever and if you try to do so they won’t thank you for this. It’s bitter but it is the truth.

Smile till I login again:-)

PS:I am anticipating some heated discussions on the post like the previous one..