Discover Yourself...

"I was 12, an only child of my parents, dreams in my eyes, thoughts rushing through my mind, not many friends to share, when a pen and a paper became my closest mates and I started to write poems, stories, articles and I went on & on & on. This is how I discovered my love for an unconventional interest that gave me nothing but immense pleasure. 7 years after I jotted down my first poem, my first article got published in one of India's popular woman's magazine, Woman's Era. The feeling was ecstatic to get recognition for my talent and actually hold my first pay cheque of 500 bucks while I was still in college pursuing my B.tech. Sounds a little strange I know, what does a software engineer has to do with literature and poetry? But, fortunately this became the journey of my self discovery that made me realize that my job is to earn a living and "writing" was a passion that I was born with. I call it "fortunate" because even though I am not a full time writer but yet the hobby acts as a healing therapy for me, whenever I get bugged up with my monotonous day to day routine."

 There are lakhs of young minds brimming with ideas, questions, dreams, undiscovered & unexplored. Most of them are aged between 12-16 and each one of them is striving hard to know themselves and to know what they really want to do in life. Unfortunately, most of them, when not able to find clear answers to their questions, end up jumping blindly into the mad rat race of fields and areas which are just not meant to be their cup of tea. So inspired by my own journey and a few years older than you, let me just help you find answers to those unanswered questions and guide you to the path of self discovery.

# Look inside to find what really interests you: Every now and then we hear that talent is something you are born with. Conceded BUT "interests" are something that all of us have. And in today's competitive time, it has almost become mandatory for every young child to polish that interest and convert it into a hobby. An all round development is something you can't do away with. Interests could vary from music, dance, painting, writing, sports, photography, social work, cooking, quizzing, public speaking and trekking, just to name a few. Interests when pursued regularly become hobbies and hobbies when polished and glorified become a passion, and there are numerous examples where successful people have pursued their passions as careers. It is for you to look inside and clearly know what is it that interests you, is it GK, Literature, sports, organizing events, techno-gadgets. Prepare a questionnaire and ask yourself, given an opportunity, what you would prefer, preparing for a mathematics quiz or writing a summary. Such questions will definitely help you to be aware of yourself, about what you enjoy doing. And eventually it will help you take up fields that you would enjoy working in. The kind of time you have when you are in your teens still in school or may be in college, is something you would never get in your life. It is the time when you can take the liberty of pursuing your passions along with studies. It is the time when you don’t really have the worldly responsibilities to cater to. There is exactly what you call "ample" time. It might sound way too idealistic but utilizing this time in a well planned manner will definitely help you groom as a better individual, professionally as well personally. It’s your overall persona that will matter in the end, and not just good grades. As the world is changing, there is globalization, there is a need for a global citizen who knows more than what is mentioned in books. And this self discovery will take you a step closer to becoming an aware global citizen. So what are you waiting for just put on your thinking caps and explore inside your mind and heart to know what gives you happiness and what makes you work endlessly without feeling a hint of boredom or tiredness.

#Weigh the feasibility of your newly discovered passion: Though, if a passion is followed regularly and polished through professional trainers and courses while one's growing years, it can earn you a living as well. But, it isn't really feasible to transform every passion into a full time career. You need to weigh its pros and cons. Nevertheless, any extracurricular achievement adds value to your personality and your resume to be. Not to neglect the pleasure and peace you get after an hour of your dance or music lesson. It can actually work as a stress buster after hectic study hours or years later in between the high profile board meetings that you would become part of.

#Guide your siblings/offspring: A child as young as 12-13 would definitely need guidance from someone who is more experience. Expose your younger brother/sister/friends or your child to various opportunities available. Unfortunately, there are times adolescents and teens do not understand the crucial role of extracurricular activities and their impact on personality development and they end up living in the illusion that only getting 'A' grades in academics will secure a bright future for them. Academics are imperative in shaping a successful career but it is in no way the be all and end all f life. Thus, it is the responsibility of every educated parent and an elder sibling to give their young ones required exposure and introduce them to the world of arts, culture, sports, society. Take them to watch plays, enroll them for PDP classes, encourage them to use social networking for a cause, take them for swimming tennis classes, inspire them to read, jot down their thoughts. And finally when they know, if they truly enjoy any of these, encourage them to be a regular follower.

# Present generation is lucky to have been born in the age of the cool concept called "freelancing": While the present generation of women in their late 20’s was growing up there were fewer sources and medias to support unconventional interests. Luckily, now days teenagers have access to a great platform called freelancing, where in they can do a lot of hit and trial without putting anything at state. If you love to write, then there are plenty of sites where you can showcase your talent, if you love photography, then there are numerous workshops and contests happening online as well offline, if you enjoy quizzing you have contests in schools, colleges, at state level, national level, if you enjoy dance, go attend a dance workshop this vacation, or you could even form your own band in school. And once you have polished your talent, just freelance your way to glory to pursue things that might not be feasible to pursue as a career initially. You never know that after a while it starts fetching you enough moolah and you could make freelancing your profession. How great it would be, if you can work on your own terms, in your own pace and place away from the hassles of corporate rules, and most importantly without a boss. Freelancing can give you all this and much more.


#Are you in the "right" age when you can experiment: I say this by my own experience, that when you are in school or undergraduate college, you have "ample" amount of time, options and also platforms to experiment. And it can lead to some amazing self discoveries and reveal hidden aspects f your personality. Fr instance, I have friends who while organizing cultural events in schools and colleges discovered their unconventional skill sets and walked away with the glory of becoming extremely successful event managers.

Have a curiosity to question, question your mind, your random ideas, your thoughts, and your day to day activities. The answer to these unending questions lies within you. Just know that these years of your youth especially between 13-21 are extremely crucial in deciding the path you will tread your entire life. And these are the years to find answers to all your queries about yourself, about life. Once you will become a part of the mad crowd, you will land in your routine 9-5 job and other responsibilities will overburden you. So before, life becomes that hectic, start your journey to self discovery. Take help from peers, siblings, parents and teachers but explore yourself now because it will either be now or never.

Search your soul and stay smiling till I login again:-)

The “How hot I am” syndrome ...

A young pop-star dressed as a school girl with her shirt unbuttoned licking a lollypop, such visuals are being beamed across the eyes and minds of young girls 24x7, nurturing a generation for whom all that matters is “how hot they look”?

The portrayal of women by media in a form that is unachievable for most of us is having a derogatory effect on the mental and physical health of millions of young women. Most magazines, TV shows and advertisements trick you by forcing you to think that there is some form of imperfection in your body. And this is where the vicious circle begins that leads you from starving and sweating it hard to get that perfect hour-glass figure, to scouting for ultra-sexy but uncomfortable and unrealistic clothing and finally putting you through mental depression when you don’t achieve what you aimed at.

The “Thin is in” Funda:
There was a time when voluptuous was considered desirable but as the fashion industry took a turn towards clothing like low waisted jeans & few inches long skirts and tops put together merely by a couple of strings, it gave birth to an era of skinny models. And soon they became role models for women from all social and economic classes.

With the increasing number of beauty pageants and model hunts, the wrong notion that a woman’s value is restricted to her sex appeal is being ingrained in the minds of girls aged between 16 to 24. No doubt it’s important to be fit, but fitness is not about starving yourself to death or sweating your body to dehydration.
The present generation is being fed on audio-visuals that emphasize only on a woman being attractive irrespective of the role she plays. All forms of media lay emphasis on ways to look good and objectify a female. In turn women and girls ruin their mental and physical health in hope of fulfilling their fantasies.

The Body Image:
The successful marketing and upward curve of the fashion industry has resulted in the creation of a thin and glamorous ideal. And when lakhs of women trying to achieve this ideal don’t get desired results, it leads to mental stress. This affects one’s entire personality which further leads to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and a detrimental change in your attitude towards one’s own self. The dieting industry is clever enough to first instill self-doubt about ones own body and then offer solution for the same. This is the trick that all you women out there need to protect yourself from. Don’t let the advertisements fool you into thinking and doing what they want you to.

Love thyself:
Women need to understand that it’s the complete image that should be perfect and not only the body. And the image is more about your attitude, your thoughts, your goals and perceptions. It is more important to be smart than to be sexy. It is important to send across a positive message that lay emphasis on a woman’s innate worth and value her existence in totality.

All magazines, newspapers, television and the internet bear a social responsibility to send across visuals that teach girls to value themselves for who they are and not how they look. Everyone wants to look good and there is nothing wrong with it, but don’t get obsessed by the “how good you look” mantra. To look good it’s important to feel good and have a healthy mind and body. To look as stunning as Priyanka Chopra isn’t the only ways to woo your man. Neither is modeling or the fashion industry only way to be rich and famous.

Don’t be obese but don’t be a dead stick either. Value yourself and value your body. Don’t be harsh on yourself just because the model in the advertisement or the magazine wants you to. Value the fact that you are a woman, because every woman is beautiful in her own way. After all she is god’s most special creation!!

Value yourself and smile till I login again:-)

Is 13 the new 18???

“A consumerist, urban animal living in a cocooned society that is busy eating McDonald’s burgers, freaking out with pals and chasing the original American dream of making it big.” I read this somewhere, and it made me think about a very predominant social change that is encompassing India, especially the metros. It is the way a child is being groomed and nurtured. It is the sheer loss of innocence in a child, at a much early age than it used to be say a decade ago.

This is what mirrors the modern youth. The young one’s today are like a rudderless ship without direction. They might have fastened their seat belts but they have nowhere to go. But the question here is that what is it that has changed the psychology of this new age teenager to this extent?

Over the past decade the country has gone through social, economical, technological and cultural changes. Some of them being favorable & some refutable. Change: you can love it or you can hate it, but you certainly can’t ignore it. And as they say, “Change is the only constant”. Change is a cause that has to be succeeded by an effect: good or bad. A culmination of various factors has been responsible for the change in the scenario of Indian society and shaping up of the new millennium 13- year old.

It is very much evident that there is a combination of factors that influence the average Indian teenager. And the influence has been profound on the psychological development of a child. Influence of the west and impact of the media have made such deep inroads in our society that they have shaken the very roots of our culture. Broadly there are 5 prominent reasons for the birth of all-new adolescents with a broader & bigger vision of life but at the same time a very materialistic and unhealthy generation of youth.

# Media in all its forms: TV, Internet, Lifestyle Magazines, Much hyped Page3 journalism, Advertising, Video games has been largely responsible. The Internet is the most essential component of new literacy with its endless library of resources. But the dangers inherent in this relatively uncontrolled ‘wired’ world are many and varied. A wise parent should aim at protecting children while allowing them to reap the rich benefits in a safe environment. TV has become one of the most popular medium of entertainment in every home. But certain programs may encourage irresponsible sexual behaviour. Instead TV should act as a powerful teacher imparting lessons on various issues. If a program talks about pre-marital sex it must talk about STDs and harms of teenage pregnancies. Furthermore the popularity of child reality shows distracts them from academics by luring them to instant fame.

# Improved Economic status of families: Since most families in metros have means, they over pamper their children financially and emotionally, making them fearless enough to do wrongs with courage.

# Peer pressure: This factor has always existed but in the recent times the competition has taken an ugly face where winning and to be “in” with the crowd is what all matters. Alcohol, drugs and sex, teens do it all under the influence of friends.

# Cultural and social changes: Indian society as a whole has gone through a renaissance of sorts. We are more candid about issues that were earlier considered taboo. Although it has made us more progressive but the mind of a 13- year old is not mature enough to take certain things in their stride. Influence of the west might have made us more contemporary and practical but it should be ensured that young children don’t get taken away by the ills of the west.

# Technological advancements: Increased crime, the craze to show off latest gizmos have all been the result of new scientific technology. We must ensure that technology should be used for betterment and not as a yardstick to measure who has the “coolest gadget” amongst adolescents.

The new generation has no role models to look up to. And the new age parent has no time to foster certain values in their children and they assuage the guilt by material gifts. Every one is too busy chasing a dream that will take them nowhere. Compassion and commitment have no meaning in today’s India.The new millennium teens have all that it takes to be a successful and  globalized Indian but what they lack is the direction in which their energies should be diverted in order to have a constructive and fruitful end for the individual as well the nation. But for this to happen the media will have to be socially responsible, parents need to spend time and nurture their children with love and proper guidance. Technology should land in the hands of who can make the best of it and peers should work together for the good of all. Youth is the most important resource of a nation and its overwhelming to see that our youth has high spirits, but parents, teachers and media needs to make sure that their spirits yield a beautiful and bright tomorrow for the country.

Generation Gap: How well do you understand your teenager???

 

Hi guys, after the long and heated debate on the last post, I am back again with something really intersting.. Well first of all, it gives me immense pleasure and motivation to see my readers coming up with their varied viewpoints on the issues I write about.. So here is something which again could be "thought-provoking". The age old saga of "generation gap". Though I myself is a 20 something, but I think I can help you understand your teenager a little better.. :-) No it is not a Good Parenting Guide, I am not eligible to write a one:-D But just, my way of viewing the changes in the perceptions of kids who are a decade younger than me.

Parents, when their offspring sit on the fence between childhood and adolescents look back nostalgically on the days when their children had not learned to speak, were cute and hung on every word that their parents said. Suddenly, they try to become individuals in their own right and wish nothing but to fly above and beyond the protective wings of their parents. It is a common sight to see teenagers aged 13-17 discussing about the so-called “freedom”. The minute parents give them a curfew or object to their clothes or hair dos or do not allow them to go away for the weekend, “Generation gap” becomes the buzzword. Well, the beauty of this whole situation is that there has never been a time in history when parents and their children did not share such differences. These differences of opinion, account for what is known as “Generation Gap”.

Whether it’s trivial issues like the clothes in fashion, or something as crucial as considering various career options or seeing someone from the opposite sex, there has always been a difference in the way youngsters take things and the lines on which the older generation thinks. Parents often tend to forget that once they were teenagers too. Although as the basic norms of Indian society are changing, people are becoming more open-minded. Well, though the whole definition of being “open minded” or “broad minded” can call for another never ending debate. Leaving that debate for some other time, the fact remains that difference in opinion still exists. Issues like dating, live-in relationships, night outs, discussing issues relating sex are still debatable in most of the middle class and high middle class families. Parents may feel a little discarded, as “friends” and “boy/girl friends” become all important to their children. It is absolutely normal for a teenager to go through such a phase. This can be very hurtful for parents, but they should not take it personally. It is just a passing phase.

Parents have the “WE” concept. Youth often believes in the principles of independence, privacy and individual identity. They function more on the “I” concept. Parents have perspectives based on their upbringing in Asian home country, while the youth acquire their references from becoming “Americanized”. During teenage years, there are enormous attractions and distractions. The curious mind wants to try it all. From smoking to drinking to drugs to experimenting with their sexuality. They try anything and everything just to be “in” with the crowd. I am not generalizing but many of them do it just for this reason. At this point of time don’t play a dreadful dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, communication is the key. Don’t pose yourself as their enemies. Lay down the ground rules right in the beginning.

Generation gap is not a new concept, it existed even when our parents were teenagers. By appropriate and effective measures this gap can be bridged. To interpret and understand the teenage or young mind is difficult but not impossible. If basic emotional bond blended with fluent and adequate communication does not exist between the youth and the older generation, conflict and tensions are bound to arise. To bridge this gap, listening should be given more importance than advising. To listen to viewpoints of youth and then to acknowledge them is vital. This is not very easy for an average parent, but every parent should at least give it a try.


# Become your children’s friend but not just to dig out their secrets. Be their friend in the true sense. When arguing over an issue, before taking any decision, put yourself at their position and analyze the feelings that your child is going through.

# Always remember that it’s not the quantity but the quality of time that you spend with your children, that matters. If your children do not spend much time with you, it does not mean they don’t love you.

# Most parents encourage their children when they achieve something. But don’t forget that your children need your support when they go through something traumatic. For instance, when your child is cheated by a friend, when he gets low grades in college or for that matter when he or she “breaks up” with his/her girlfriend or boyfriend.

# College going girls and boys want to stay out till odd hours of the night, parents must make them understand that if they want to party hard, they must also work hard. Parents must tell them that if they want to go for a night out they must at least inform them.

# Give your child some privacy and personal space. Don’t poke your nose in each of their matter. Don’t ask for details every time they get a call on their cell-phones. Be open to them and most importantly trust them.

# Treat your children with respect. Don’t “yell” at them all the time. Consider their advice when taking important decisions. Don’t decide for them, let them take their own decisions. Let them choose their careers according to their own wish and support their stands.

# At times, let your children make their own mistakes and learn from them. Don’t spoon feed them. Just remember that in this era of internet and exposure, a teenager is grown up enough to choose his or her friends. Let your children grow emotionally and mentally on their own. Don’t force your ideologies on them.

The communication part has to be mutual. The onus lies with the youngsters also. They should encourage their parents to ventilate their feelings and concerns by listening to them with empathy and concern. Showing sincerity and respect to older generation helps them understand the principles, ethics and philosophy of new generation. All this may sound a bit difficult but a healthy communication between generations is very much possible. Just remember how you made your first friend. Open your minds and hearts for each other.

Don’t forget that someday your "cute" babies grow up and when the time comes you must let them go and find their own destination in life. You cannot protect your children forever and if you try to do so they won’t thank you for this. It’s bitter but it is the truth.

Smile till I login again:-)

PS:I am anticipating some heated discussions on the post like the previous one..