Discover Yourself...

"I was 12, an only child of my parents, dreams in my eyes, thoughts rushing through my mind, not many friends to share, when a pen and a paper became my closest mates and I started to write poems, stories, articles and I went on & on & on. This is how I discovered my love for an unconventional interest that gave me nothing but immense pleasure. 7 years after I jotted down my first poem, my first article got published in one of India's popular woman's magazine, Woman's Era. The feeling was ecstatic to get recognition for my talent and actually hold my first pay cheque of 500 bucks while I was still in college pursuing my B.tech. Sounds a little strange I know, what does a software engineer has to do with literature and poetry? But, fortunately this became the journey of my self discovery that made me realize that my job is to earn a living and "writing" was a passion that I was born with. I call it "fortunate" because even though I am not a full time writer but yet the hobby acts as a healing therapy for me, whenever I get bugged up with my monotonous day to day routine."

 There are lakhs of young minds brimming with ideas, questions, dreams, undiscovered & unexplored. Most of them are aged between 12-16 and each one of them is striving hard to know themselves and to know what they really want to do in life. Unfortunately, most of them, when not able to find clear answers to their questions, end up jumping blindly into the mad rat race of fields and areas which are just not meant to be their cup of tea. So inspired by my own journey and a few years older than you, let me just help you find answers to those unanswered questions and guide you to the path of self discovery.

# Look inside to find what really interests you: Every now and then we hear that talent is something you are born with. Conceded BUT "interests" are something that all of us have. And in today's competitive time, it has almost become mandatory for every young child to polish that interest and convert it into a hobby. An all round development is something you can't do away with. Interests could vary from music, dance, painting, writing, sports, photography, social work, cooking, quizzing, public speaking and trekking, just to name a few. Interests when pursued regularly become hobbies and hobbies when polished and glorified become a passion, and there are numerous examples where successful people have pursued their passions as careers. It is for you to look inside and clearly know what is it that interests you, is it GK, Literature, sports, organizing events, techno-gadgets. Prepare a questionnaire and ask yourself, given an opportunity, what you would prefer, preparing for a mathematics quiz or writing a summary. Such questions will definitely help you to be aware of yourself, about what you enjoy doing. And eventually it will help you take up fields that you would enjoy working in. The kind of time you have when you are in your teens still in school or may be in college, is something you would never get in your life. It is the time when you can take the liberty of pursuing your passions along with studies. It is the time when you don’t really have the worldly responsibilities to cater to. There is exactly what you call "ample" time. It might sound way too idealistic but utilizing this time in a well planned manner will definitely help you groom as a better individual, professionally as well personally. It’s your overall persona that will matter in the end, and not just good grades. As the world is changing, there is globalization, there is a need for a global citizen who knows more than what is mentioned in books. And this self discovery will take you a step closer to becoming an aware global citizen. So what are you waiting for just put on your thinking caps and explore inside your mind and heart to know what gives you happiness and what makes you work endlessly without feeling a hint of boredom or tiredness.

#Weigh the feasibility of your newly discovered passion: Though, if a passion is followed regularly and polished through professional trainers and courses while one's growing years, it can earn you a living as well. But, it isn't really feasible to transform every passion into a full time career. You need to weigh its pros and cons. Nevertheless, any extracurricular achievement adds value to your personality and your resume to be. Not to neglect the pleasure and peace you get after an hour of your dance or music lesson. It can actually work as a stress buster after hectic study hours or years later in between the high profile board meetings that you would become part of.

#Guide your siblings/offspring: A child as young as 12-13 would definitely need guidance from someone who is more experience. Expose your younger brother/sister/friends or your child to various opportunities available. Unfortunately, there are times adolescents and teens do not understand the crucial role of extracurricular activities and their impact on personality development and they end up living in the illusion that only getting 'A' grades in academics will secure a bright future for them. Academics are imperative in shaping a successful career but it is in no way the be all and end all f life. Thus, it is the responsibility of every educated parent and an elder sibling to give their young ones required exposure and introduce them to the world of arts, culture, sports, society. Take them to watch plays, enroll them for PDP classes, encourage them to use social networking for a cause, take them for swimming tennis classes, inspire them to read, jot down their thoughts. And finally when they know, if they truly enjoy any of these, encourage them to be a regular follower.

# Present generation is lucky to have been born in the age of the cool concept called "freelancing": While the present generation of women in their late 20’s was growing up there were fewer sources and medias to support unconventional interests. Luckily, now days teenagers have access to a great platform called freelancing, where in they can do a lot of hit and trial without putting anything at state. If you love to write, then there are plenty of sites where you can showcase your talent, if you love photography, then there are numerous workshops and contests happening online as well offline, if you enjoy quizzing you have contests in schools, colleges, at state level, national level, if you enjoy dance, go attend a dance workshop this vacation, or you could even form your own band in school. And once you have polished your talent, just freelance your way to glory to pursue things that might not be feasible to pursue as a career initially. You never know that after a while it starts fetching you enough moolah and you could make freelancing your profession. How great it would be, if you can work on your own terms, in your own pace and place away from the hassles of corporate rules, and most importantly without a boss. Freelancing can give you all this and much more.


#Are you in the "right" age when you can experiment: I say this by my own experience, that when you are in school or undergraduate college, you have "ample" amount of time, options and also platforms to experiment. And it can lead to some amazing self discoveries and reveal hidden aspects f your personality. Fr instance, I have friends who while organizing cultural events in schools and colleges discovered their unconventional skill sets and walked away with the glory of becoming extremely successful event managers.

Have a curiosity to question, question your mind, your random ideas, your thoughts, and your day to day activities. The answer to these unending questions lies within you. Just know that these years of your youth especially between 13-21 are extremely crucial in deciding the path you will tread your entire life. And these are the years to find answers to all your queries about yourself, about life. Once you will become a part of the mad crowd, you will land in your routine 9-5 job and other responsibilities will overburden you. So before, life becomes that hectic, start your journey to self discovery. Take help from peers, siblings, parents and teachers but explore yourself now because it will either be now or never.

Search your soul and stay smiling till I login again:-)

The “How hot I am” syndrome ...

A young pop-star dressed as a school girl with her shirt unbuttoned licking a lollypop, such visuals are being beamed across the eyes and minds of young girls 24x7, nurturing a generation for whom all that matters is “how hot they look”?

The portrayal of women by media in a form that is unachievable for most of us is having a derogatory effect on the mental and physical health of millions of young women. Most magazines, TV shows and advertisements trick you by forcing you to think that there is some form of imperfection in your body. And this is where the vicious circle begins that leads you from starving and sweating it hard to get that perfect hour-glass figure, to scouting for ultra-sexy but uncomfortable and unrealistic clothing and finally putting you through mental depression when you don’t achieve what you aimed at.

The “Thin is in” Funda:
There was a time when voluptuous was considered desirable but as the fashion industry took a turn towards clothing like low waisted jeans & few inches long skirts and tops put together merely by a couple of strings, it gave birth to an era of skinny models. And soon they became role models for women from all social and economic classes.

With the increasing number of beauty pageants and model hunts, the wrong notion that a woman’s value is restricted to her sex appeal is being ingrained in the minds of girls aged between 16 to 24. No doubt it’s important to be fit, but fitness is not about starving yourself to death or sweating your body to dehydration.
The present generation is being fed on audio-visuals that emphasize only on a woman being attractive irrespective of the role she plays. All forms of media lay emphasis on ways to look good and objectify a female. In turn women and girls ruin their mental and physical health in hope of fulfilling their fantasies.

The Body Image:
The successful marketing and upward curve of the fashion industry has resulted in the creation of a thin and glamorous ideal. And when lakhs of women trying to achieve this ideal don’t get desired results, it leads to mental stress. This affects one’s entire personality which further leads to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and a detrimental change in your attitude towards one’s own self. The dieting industry is clever enough to first instill self-doubt about ones own body and then offer solution for the same. This is the trick that all you women out there need to protect yourself from. Don’t let the advertisements fool you into thinking and doing what they want you to.

Love thyself:
Women need to understand that it’s the complete image that should be perfect and not only the body. And the image is more about your attitude, your thoughts, your goals and perceptions. It is more important to be smart than to be sexy. It is important to send across a positive message that lay emphasis on a woman’s innate worth and value her existence in totality.

All magazines, newspapers, television and the internet bear a social responsibility to send across visuals that teach girls to value themselves for who they are and not how they look. Everyone wants to look good and there is nothing wrong with it, but don’t get obsessed by the “how good you look” mantra. To look good it’s important to feel good and have a healthy mind and body. To look as stunning as Priyanka Chopra isn’t the only ways to woo your man. Neither is modeling or the fashion industry only way to be rich and famous.

Don’t be obese but don’t be a dead stick either. Value yourself and value your body. Don’t be harsh on yourself just because the model in the advertisement or the magazine wants you to. Value the fact that you are a woman, because every woman is beautiful in her own way. After all she is god’s most special creation!!

Value yourself and smile till I login again:-)

AGE: Why do women fear growing up???

Hey friends, I am back, though after a long gap. But this time in box is something that women have always feared, the phobia of growing old. Go ahead with the read and I hope you would enjoy it.

An 11-year old is all eager and excited to get into teens and a 16-year old girl can’t wait to turn 18. Then, why is, that just a day before your 20th birthday you tell your age precisely to be nineteen. What is the big deal about crossing the thirty or the forty barrier? Why most women fear growing up? Why a sense of insecurity compels you to hide your age?

Age has always been an issue in our society especially with the fairer sex. It is sort of paradoxical that when we are young, we are too eager to grow up and after a stage the very act of asking a girl’s age is considered rude in a civilized society. But, why do we run from the reality? One needs to realize that age is a natural phenomenon and it is not limited to a mesh of numbers. It is about your thoughts, about how you perceive life and react to various situations. In simple words, age lies in the state of mind and beats of the heart.

We are living in an era where women have started coming out of the closets and they are becoming more open about issues that were earlier considered taboo. And, amongst all these, even age is becoming a casual attribute. Gone are the days, when age was the yardstick by which the world judged you. The new mantra is that “Don’t ask a woman’s salary!” contrary to the earlier saying which said, “Don’t ask a woman’s age!” Age discrimination has been a long existed concept. But today, there are also women who gracefully accept their age, no matter they are 35 or 45or even 60. Infact, the prime reason for many older women gaining lot of popularity in their workplace or society is that they are quite comfortable with disclosing their age. For some one who likes to learn about all the new gizmos and gadgets and pick a few words from the youthful lingo, age is not at all an issue.

You can easily match your steps with the younger generation provided you are truthful about your age as it helps you to be a more confident and smart. The elegance itself embraces your persona and eventually makes the younger lot look at you with a lot of respect and admiration. Also people who come across you like to emulate and learn from your experiences. It is actually sad to see people who are coy about their age. Learn to take pride in growing a year older. Life is an absolutely precious book and one must live its each chapter with equal enthusiasm and happiness. Don’t be ashamed or bothered just because you are on the verge of the 50 Th chapter of this book and your hair have started turning grey. No doubt, everyone is possessive about their looks, the flawless skin, the long and satin-silky hair, all of which are bound to lose their lusture as you turn old. But the trick is simple, if you are happy and proud about all those years you have lived through, your face and persona will glow with an undefinable vibrance and sheen. Even the wrinkles and lines of aging will add beauty to your appearance.

Hiding your age is a self-defeating concept. It reflects signs of weakness and a tarnished aura. It is all about how you choose to accept growing older that makes hell lot of a difference. In today’s times age is too short a word to describe someone as an individual or judge his/her capabilities and caliber.

You can be 50 and still be going around. You can be a mother of two and still be clad in that sexy black dress that you wore when you were eighteen.
You just need to remember that you define yourself by how you feel, what you do, how open minded you are towards changes in the society and not by how old you are. After all, you have worked hard enough to reach where you are. So just love and live proudly every minute of every year of your life. Despite hiding or lying about your age sing it out loud and clear and see how easily you can shut the gobs of those narrow minded people just by the confidence and dignity you hold in that number called age.

Flaunt your age till I login again:-)

Is 13 the new 18???

“A consumerist, urban animal living in a cocooned society that is busy eating McDonald’s burgers, freaking out with pals and chasing the original American dream of making it big.” I read this somewhere, and it made me think about a very predominant social change that is encompassing India, especially the metros. It is the way a child is being groomed and nurtured. It is the sheer loss of innocence in a child, at a much early age than it used to be say a decade ago.

This is what mirrors the modern youth. The young one’s today are like a rudderless ship without direction. They might have fastened their seat belts but they have nowhere to go. But the question here is that what is it that has changed the psychology of this new age teenager to this extent?

Over the past decade the country has gone through social, economical, technological and cultural changes. Some of them being favorable & some refutable. Change: you can love it or you can hate it, but you certainly can’t ignore it. And as they say, “Change is the only constant”. Change is a cause that has to be succeeded by an effect: good or bad. A culmination of various factors has been responsible for the change in the scenario of Indian society and shaping up of the new millennium 13- year old.

It is very much evident that there is a combination of factors that influence the average Indian teenager. And the influence has been profound on the psychological development of a child. Influence of the west and impact of the media have made such deep inroads in our society that they have shaken the very roots of our culture. Broadly there are 5 prominent reasons for the birth of all-new adolescents with a broader & bigger vision of life but at the same time a very materialistic and unhealthy generation of youth.

# Media in all its forms: TV, Internet, Lifestyle Magazines, Much hyped Page3 journalism, Advertising, Video games has been largely responsible. The Internet is the most essential component of new literacy with its endless library of resources. But the dangers inherent in this relatively uncontrolled ‘wired’ world are many and varied. A wise parent should aim at protecting children while allowing them to reap the rich benefits in a safe environment. TV has become one of the most popular medium of entertainment in every home. But certain programs may encourage irresponsible sexual behaviour. Instead TV should act as a powerful teacher imparting lessons on various issues. If a program talks about pre-marital sex it must talk about STDs and harms of teenage pregnancies. Furthermore the popularity of child reality shows distracts them from academics by luring them to instant fame.

# Improved Economic status of families: Since most families in metros have means, they over pamper their children financially and emotionally, making them fearless enough to do wrongs with courage.

# Peer pressure: This factor has always existed but in the recent times the competition has taken an ugly face where winning and to be “in” with the crowd is what all matters. Alcohol, drugs and sex, teens do it all under the influence of friends.

# Cultural and social changes: Indian society as a whole has gone through a renaissance of sorts. We are more candid about issues that were earlier considered taboo. Although it has made us more progressive but the mind of a 13- year old is not mature enough to take certain things in their stride. Influence of the west might have made us more contemporary and practical but it should be ensured that young children don’t get taken away by the ills of the west.

# Technological advancements: Increased crime, the craze to show off latest gizmos have all been the result of new scientific technology. We must ensure that technology should be used for betterment and not as a yardstick to measure who has the “coolest gadget” amongst adolescents.

The new generation has no role models to look up to. And the new age parent has no time to foster certain values in their children and they assuage the guilt by material gifts. Every one is too busy chasing a dream that will take them nowhere. Compassion and commitment have no meaning in today’s India.The new millennium teens have all that it takes to be a successful and  globalized Indian but what they lack is the direction in which their energies should be diverted in order to have a constructive and fruitful end for the individual as well the nation. But for this to happen the media will have to be socially responsible, parents need to spend time and nurture their children with love and proper guidance. Technology should land in the hands of who can make the best of it and peers should work together for the good of all. Youth is the most important resource of a nation and its overwhelming to see that our youth has high spirits, but parents, teachers and media needs to make sure that their spirits yield a beautiful and bright tomorrow for the country.

It's still a man's world... Why?

This is something I strongly feel about, so here it is without much description or declarations... Read on...

There are absolutely, no second thoughts about the fact that the Indian woman has very successfully established herself in various fields and spheres of life. Today, she is working as a renowned politician, lawyer, doctor, poet, writer, painter, social worker, the list is endless. And noticeable is the fact that she has come out with flying colors in every role she has played. In every circumstance she has shown her worth. Then why is that men still dominate our society? Even today, in many families a girl’s aspirations are heartlessly put down by her own father, brother or husband.

Preference for boys in India has been a long-lived and shamefully a valued tradition with not many “even” trying to change it. Indian men have to realize and accept that a woman is as important to the world as themselves. This inequality is deep-rooted in every part of India. To broaden the social, political and cultural horizons of our nation, it is extremely important to grant the liberty to our women, which they rightfully deserve.

It is unfair, that most top positions in the society like company directors, CEOs, Managers, judges etc are predominantly occupied by men. Statistics prove that there is no difference between the quality of work done by men and women. Then, why this discrimination? In regard to women’s achievements we cannot afford to forget that the first test tube baby was successfully operated by a woman gynecologist.

An average Indian parent has always been very open-minded for their boys but when it comes to girl "the society" factor crops up. Though, most parents today provide equal education opportunities to their boys and girls but when it comes to going out to work, they are frequently discouraged and taught that family life is the sole motto of their existence. While making career choices, girls are usually not encouraged to take up engineering subjects or late night jobs which are believed to require great amount of physical strength. I wonder where does the so called concerned society lives when the same girl handles huge and heavy utensils while cooking and cleaning, carrying water for long distances in scorching heat or plough the fields in villages.

Most families, at least in rural areas, wishes to give the best to their boys. Amongst the urban starta, also the difference persists. The limits have to be there, but they should be same for both the sexes. If a boy is outspoken, friendly or mischievous, he is said to be an all rounder or candid, but if the girl is synonymous to any of these she is typecast as one with a loose character. If a boy wants to marry the girl of his choice he is said to be mature enough to make his own decisions. But, at the same time the girl is forced upon to marry the guy of her parent’s choice with the argument that parents know best for her secure and happy future. Again the question arises, why the man dominates?

Guru Nanak, conveys the strength of a woman very truthfully and aptly through the Sikh scripture:
“In a woman, man is conceived,
From a woman, he is born,
With a woman he is betrothed and married,
With a woman he contracts friendship.
Why denounce her, the one from even kings are born?
From a woman a woman is born,
None may exist a without a woman.”

Let the woman decide for herself, do and say what her own mind and heart believes in. It has been high time that women are given their rightful place in society.

# Education has to play a major role in this. To completely iron out the inequalities that persists in our society, education is very important. It is the best way to ensure sound and secure future generations.

# The key also lies in the hands of economic independence of women. If a woman is economically independent, then only she will be mentally strong to shun the discrimination against her and answer back to this male dominated society.

# Health of a woman is also of prime importance, because to take up any challenge one has to be physically and mentally fit.

# Women empowerment should happen in the true sense. Of late, it has been reduced to merely a topic for politicians to speak. Empowerment has to come from within. The women have to realize their worth and power themselves first before the society realizes it. We have to change the mentality of the society, while staying within the parameters of the society.

# Most importantly, the psyche of man has to be transformed. Girls have made many adjustments over the years. It is time for the boys to learn the meaning of the word “Adjust” and implement in their lives. Men have ruled for quite a long.  Women must now stop catering to the whims and fancies of the men as unpaid servants. Mothers need to teach their boys right from a very young age to treat women with respect. It is time when men start contributing equally in the domestic chores.

Complete empowerment of women lies in giving them complete freedom without any ifs and buts or social and moral obligations. There is a famous saying, “women hold up half of the sky”. So let them be free to spread their wings of humanity across the horizon of that sky.

Help empowering a friend, a sibling, a domestic help, a girl, a woman. Give them the smile they deserve for long till I login again :-)

Emancipation of women: Is it just a long-cherished dream???

This post seems to be long to the extent of being unending, but it speaks about something which needs to be adressed as present day's biggest social evil.. Have a look...

“Three beautiful, and vivacious flowers with a light within them that can brighten a million lives and make their family and nation proud of them, but only if they are permitted to empower themselves by the orthodox and conventional society in which they are unfortunately born. Aged ten, twelve and fourteen, these three budding flowers are a part of typical conservative middle-class family where all the hopes are pinned to their brother. Reason for this discrimination, the age-old theory that gives supremacy to the male child and a sense of humiliating indifference and disrespect to the girls. The mother of four young & immature children, an uneducated housewife who hails from a small village in Punjab, who is still stuck with the notion that was put into her mind since childhood that life and dreams of a girl is confined to four walls of the house. She herself was made to leave her schooling after class 8 and was married off at the tender age of 15 to a potbellied businessman who has least respect for women. The three girls consider themselves lucky that at least they are getting the rare opportunity to complete their schooling unlike their mother. But at the end of it all, their destiny might not be any different. They would eventually be left to live at the mercy of some chauvinist male once their father marries them off. And they might also not get the opportunity to fight for their social, political, economical and the very basic emotional rights(human rights). The lives of the three young girls are even now not less than hell. Every moment they witness all the motherly love, the unending pampering and affection of the family being showered on their brother. On the contrary, no one has ever desired to take a deep look into the heart of these girls. Given a chance one of them holds the caliber to make a successful career. To be a lawyer or a doctor or a decent professor. Unfortunately, she knows that she does not even have the right to dream something of that stature. The one who is 12 years of age has been gifted by a talent that can transform her into a renowned poet or writer. But its her bad luck that she was born into a family where one day all her exquisite pieces of poetry would be dumped in the chimney of the household kitchen. And the youngest one, is still too small to envision what the future holds for her and that her life is already etched out by her parents. Worse, as it gets, the three impressionable minds watch their brutal and alcoholic father giving endless beatings to their mother very often. In turn the frustrated mother pours all her anger on the poor girls. I wonder what these girls must be going through and more importantly what impact such cruel scenes would have on their future lives.”

The above story(though its fictional) shows the harsh reality of Indian social setup. Such discrimination in one form or the other is paramount even amongst the most educated and elite families. There are lakhs of girls who are denied the basic human rights and sense of respect, dignity and security. So many young girls are raped, others become the victim of domestic violence, kidnappings, dowry deaths. To add to the irony, there is the growing concept of incest and marital rape. All this throws enough light on the hollowness of government’s claim to have emancipated or empowered the women of our country. Emancipation of women has been reduced to a mere topic for the public figures to give unending speeches on. In reality, most of us are not even aware of the true meaning of emancipation of women. Emancipation of women refers to freeing them from the control of others and give them the right to make their own choices. How can we make this long cherished dream of empowering women a reality? It is difficult to remove the deep- rooted evils that demean the stature of women but with sincere and innovative efforts, it can be dealt with.

# The best way is encouraging women to build the confidence, first in themselves and then others. Each woman needs to respect the other. Don’t forget that charity begins only at home. This is possible only if women stop exploiting other women, which mainly includes mother-daughter, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law, siblings and friends.

# Another imperative step towards emancipation is instilling a sense of confidence and self-faith in girls right from childhood and they should be taught to take pride in being a woman.

This also reminds me of the ballyhoo that is created around the woman’s day every year. I am not exactly against it but I feel rather than flashing greetings and flowers and socialites flaunting their designer labels at the typical page 3 parties; let’s have a reality check. Emancipation cannot be limited to including a handful of names from international beauty pageants or one or two women making it big in sports or winning accolades in science & technology. Educating the uneducated and liberating them from orthodox notions, making stringent laws and making their strict implementation possible are a few basic steps towards true emancipation of women. An environment conducive enough for the suffering women to come up and fight for their rights and security is the key to empowerment of women in the true sense. The mantra is that come out of the fire well in which you are being burnt for the only reason that you were born as the so called weaker sex. Gather the courage, unite and fight, fight because it’s your life and you have the sole right on how to live it.

Think about it till I login again...