The “How hot I am” syndrome ...

A young pop-star dressed as a school girl with her shirt unbuttoned licking a lollypop, such visuals are being beamed across the eyes and minds of young girls 24x7, nurturing a generation for whom all that matters is “how hot they look”?

The portrayal of women by media in a form that is unachievable for most of us is having a derogatory effect on the mental and physical health of millions of young women. Most magazines, TV shows and advertisements trick you by forcing you to think that there is some form of imperfection in your body. And this is where the vicious circle begins that leads you from starving and sweating it hard to get that perfect hour-glass figure, to scouting for ultra-sexy but uncomfortable and unrealistic clothing and finally putting you through mental depression when you don’t achieve what you aimed at.

The “Thin is in” Funda:
There was a time when voluptuous was considered desirable but as the fashion industry took a turn towards clothing like low waisted jeans & few inches long skirts and tops put together merely by a couple of strings, it gave birth to an era of skinny models. And soon they became role models for women from all social and economic classes.

With the increasing number of beauty pageants and model hunts, the wrong notion that a woman’s value is restricted to her sex appeal is being ingrained in the minds of girls aged between 16 to 24. No doubt it’s important to be fit, but fitness is not about starving yourself to death or sweating your body to dehydration.
The present generation is being fed on audio-visuals that emphasize only on a woman being attractive irrespective of the role she plays. All forms of media lay emphasis on ways to look good and objectify a female. In turn women and girls ruin their mental and physical health in hope of fulfilling their fantasies.

The Body Image:
The successful marketing and upward curve of the fashion industry has resulted in the creation of a thin and glamorous ideal. And when lakhs of women trying to achieve this ideal don’t get desired results, it leads to mental stress. This affects one’s entire personality which further leads to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and a detrimental change in your attitude towards one’s own self. The dieting industry is clever enough to first instill self-doubt about ones own body and then offer solution for the same. This is the trick that all you women out there need to protect yourself from. Don’t let the advertisements fool you into thinking and doing what they want you to.

Love thyself:
Women need to understand that it’s the complete image that should be perfect and not only the body. And the image is more about your attitude, your thoughts, your goals and perceptions. It is more important to be smart than to be sexy. It is important to send across a positive message that lay emphasis on a woman’s innate worth and value her existence in totality.

All magazines, newspapers, television and the internet bear a social responsibility to send across visuals that teach girls to value themselves for who they are and not how they look. Everyone wants to look good and there is nothing wrong with it, but don’t get obsessed by the “how good you look” mantra. To look good it’s important to feel good and have a healthy mind and body. To look as stunning as Priyanka Chopra isn’t the only ways to woo your man. Neither is modeling or the fashion industry only way to be rich and famous.

Don’t be obese but don’t be a dead stick either. Value yourself and value your body. Don’t be harsh on yourself just because the model in the advertisement or the magazine wants you to. Value the fact that you are a woman, because every woman is beautiful in her own way. After all she is god’s most special creation!!

Value yourself and smile till I login again:-)

AGE: Why do women fear growing up???

Hey friends, I am back, though after a long gap. But this time in box is something that women have always feared, the phobia of growing old. Go ahead with the read and I hope you would enjoy it.

An 11-year old is all eager and excited to get into teens and a 16-year old girl can’t wait to turn 18. Then, why is, that just a day before your 20th birthday you tell your age precisely to be nineteen. What is the big deal about crossing the thirty or the forty barrier? Why most women fear growing up? Why a sense of insecurity compels you to hide your age?

Age has always been an issue in our society especially with the fairer sex. It is sort of paradoxical that when we are young, we are too eager to grow up and after a stage the very act of asking a girl’s age is considered rude in a civilized society. But, why do we run from the reality? One needs to realize that age is a natural phenomenon and it is not limited to a mesh of numbers. It is about your thoughts, about how you perceive life and react to various situations. In simple words, age lies in the state of mind and beats of the heart.

We are living in an era where women have started coming out of the closets and they are becoming more open about issues that were earlier considered taboo. And, amongst all these, even age is becoming a casual attribute. Gone are the days, when age was the yardstick by which the world judged you. The new mantra is that “Don’t ask a woman’s salary!” contrary to the earlier saying which said, “Don’t ask a woman’s age!” Age discrimination has been a long existed concept. But today, there are also women who gracefully accept their age, no matter they are 35 or 45or even 60. Infact, the prime reason for many older women gaining lot of popularity in their workplace or society is that they are quite comfortable with disclosing their age. For some one who likes to learn about all the new gizmos and gadgets and pick a few words from the youthful lingo, age is not at all an issue.

You can easily match your steps with the younger generation provided you are truthful about your age as it helps you to be a more confident and smart. The elegance itself embraces your persona and eventually makes the younger lot look at you with a lot of respect and admiration. Also people who come across you like to emulate and learn from your experiences. It is actually sad to see people who are coy about their age. Learn to take pride in growing a year older. Life is an absolutely precious book and one must live its each chapter with equal enthusiasm and happiness. Don’t be ashamed or bothered just because you are on the verge of the 50 Th chapter of this book and your hair have started turning grey. No doubt, everyone is possessive about their looks, the flawless skin, the long and satin-silky hair, all of which are bound to lose their lusture as you turn old. But the trick is simple, if you are happy and proud about all those years you have lived through, your face and persona will glow with an undefinable vibrance and sheen. Even the wrinkles and lines of aging will add beauty to your appearance.

Hiding your age is a self-defeating concept. It reflects signs of weakness and a tarnished aura. It is all about how you choose to accept growing older that makes hell lot of a difference. In today’s times age is too short a word to describe someone as an individual or judge his/her capabilities and caliber.

You can be 50 and still be going around. You can be a mother of two and still be clad in that sexy black dress that you wore when you were eighteen.
You just need to remember that you define yourself by how you feel, what you do, how open minded you are towards changes in the society and not by how old you are. After all, you have worked hard enough to reach where you are. So just love and live proudly every minute of every year of your life. Despite hiding or lying about your age sing it out loud and clear and see how easily you can shut the gobs of those narrow minded people just by the confidence and dignity you hold in that number called age.

Flaunt your age till I login again:-)

Emancipation of women: Is it just a long-cherished dream???

This post seems to be long to the extent of being unending, but it speaks about something which needs to be adressed as present day's biggest social evil.. Have a look...

“Three beautiful, and vivacious flowers with a light within them that can brighten a million lives and make their family and nation proud of them, but only if they are permitted to empower themselves by the orthodox and conventional society in which they are unfortunately born. Aged ten, twelve and fourteen, these three budding flowers are a part of typical conservative middle-class family where all the hopes are pinned to their brother. Reason for this discrimination, the age-old theory that gives supremacy to the male child and a sense of humiliating indifference and disrespect to the girls. The mother of four young & immature children, an uneducated housewife who hails from a small village in Punjab, who is still stuck with the notion that was put into her mind since childhood that life and dreams of a girl is confined to four walls of the house. She herself was made to leave her schooling after class 8 and was married off at the tender age of 15 to a potbellied businessman who has least respect for women. The three girls consider themselves lucky that at least they are getting the rare opportunity to complete their schooling unlike their mother. But at the end of it all, their destiny might not be any different. They would eventually be left to live at the mercy of some chauvinist male once their father marries them off. And they might also not get the opportunity to fight for their social, political, economical and the very basic emotional rights(human rights). The lives of the three young girls are even now not less than hell. Every moment they witness all the motherly love, the unending pampering and affection of the family being showered on their brother. On the contrary, no one has ever desired to take a deep look into the heart of these girls. Given a chance one of them holds the caliber to make a successful career. To be a lawyer or a doctor or a decent professor. Unfortunately, she knows that she does not even have the right to dream something of that stature. The one who is 12 years of age has been gifted by a talent that can transform her into a renowned poet or writer. But its her bad luck that she was born into a family where one day all her exquisite pieces of poetry would be dumped in the chimney of the household kitchen. And the youngest one, is still too small to envision what the future holds for her and that her life is already etched out by her parents. Worse, as it gets, the three impressionable minds watch their brutal and alcoholic father giving endless beatings to their mother very often. In turn the frustrated mother pours all her anger on the poor girls. I wonder what these girls must be going through and more importantly what impact such cruel scenes would have on their future lives.”

The above story(though its fictional) shows the harsh reality of Indian social setup. Such discrimination in one form or the other is paramount even amongst the most educated and elite families. There are lakhs of girls who are denied the basic human rights and sense of respect, dignity and security. So many young girls are raped, others become the victim of domestic violence, kidnappings, dowry deaths. To add to the irony, there is the growing concept of incest and marital rape. All this throws enough light on the hollowness of government’s claim to have emancipated or empowered the women of our country. Emancipation of women has been reduced to a mere topic for the public figures to give unending speeches on. In reality, most of us are not even aware of the true meaning of emancipation of women. Emancipation of women refers to freeing them from the control of others and give them the right to make their own choices. How can we make this long cherished dream of empowering women a reality? It is difficult to remove the deep- rooted evils that demean the stature of women but with sincere and innovative efforts, it can be dealt with.

# The best way is encouraging women to build the confidence, first in themselves and then others. Each woman needs to respect the other. Don’t forget that charity begins only at home. This is possible only if women stop exploiting other women, which mainly includes mother-daughter, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law, siblings and friends.

# Another imperative step towards emancipation is instilling a sense of confidence and self-faith in girls right from childhood and they should be taught to take pride in being a woman.

This also reminds me of the ballyhoo that is created around the woman’s day every year. I am not exactly against it but I feel rather than flashing greetings and flowers and socialites flaunting their designer labels at the typical page 3 parties; let’s have a reality check. Emancipation cannot be limited to including a handful of names from international beauty pageants or one or two women making it big in sports or winning accolades in science & technology. Educating the uneducated and liberating them from orthodox notions, making stringent laws and making their strict implementation possible are a few basic steps towards true emancipation of women. An environment conducive enough for the suffering women to come up and fight for their rights and security is the key to empowerment of women in the true sense. The mantra is that come out of the fire well in which you are being burnt for the only reason that you were born as the so called weaker sex. Gather the courage, unite and fight, fight because it’s your life and you have the sole right on how to live it.

Think about it till I login again...

Are men shy or are they genetically inexpressive???

Hi guys, Sorry for the long-long break, but here I am, back again with something that has always fascinated me, the so-called male psyche in relationships. Most men complain that it’s the women who are complicated. But, some how, I am of the opinion that it isn’t either easy to understand men. It takes time, dedication, patience and nurturing lasting bonds before you get to the core of a man’s heart and mind, be it your father, brother, friend, husband, boyfriend. So taking this interesting topic ahead, let me today talk about something that all women must have felt at some time in their life. Are men really shy in expressing themselves, or is it they are just programmed to be so, quiet and inexpressive of their emotions in love.

Men are usually uneasy with relationships. When a man feels something for a woman, he takes a lot of time to come to terms with this feeling. At first there is dilemma to segregate love from lust since both are integral to a man’s psychology. Well, it is integral to female psychology also, but I believe a woman easily distinguish between the true love and a mere physical attraction or infatuation. Women are more intelligent, I guess:-) Jokes apart, men often can’t differentiate between subtle differences in variations of their own thoughts. So in such a state they have no option but to refrain from acceptance of the eternal truth of falling in love. Moreover, men usually try to find logic in everything even the emotions they experience, which is practically impossible. Emotions and logic doesn’t go hand in hand.:-)

It seems that genetically, beautiful sensitivities like love and emotions don’t really go well with the male: the chauvinist and impregnable version of a homo sapien. What is the reason behind men not being very indicative about their feelings for a woman, the woman who rule their minds, hearts and dreams. Is it fear, confusion, ego, nonchalance, or diffidence? The answer varies in content and extent from person to person. Men remain inexpressive of their inmost feelings for different reasons. Many of my male friends would agree, men are generally shy or hesitant when they propose the girl of their dreams for the first time. Many men try and act cool that it doesn’t really matter but the fact remains that it is not easy for any human being to accept rejection in any sphere of life. But for those who are already in a relationship, its not fear of rejection or diffidence. The extent to which they express largely depends on the level of seriousness and commitment involved. There are some who bear the notion that it’s not “manly” to be emotional. According to surveys, men who are emotional understand a woman better. But even an emotional man would not be as open and as good with words as a woman would be. For the simple reason, that they can't blabber, they cant repeat the same thing again and again in different ways, they just try to keep things SIMPLE.:-)

Different men have different circumstances and thus have different ways of their expression of love and affection. Some believe that it’s just the confusion that makes men less candid in love. Men are too engrossed in their usual boys stuff that they in most cases neither desire nor dare to look deep inside and ask themselves “ how deeply they feel for a girl”? Also, in some circumstances, pain from past changes the way someone  lives in the present and future. Life is unfair, relationships are queer, and ego multiplies the extent of complexity in love. And that can be another reason that stop men from being loud about their love interests. A lot of men are waiting for the fresh change where women take on the brave act of proposing. Women have always been asking for equal rights, so why don’t they rightfully play the part of initiating a relationship. Surveys show that guys adore and admire women making the first move. Well, no doubt we have quite an ample number of bold gals to answer back to such egoistic freaks. Times have changed and girls unapologetically and gracefully say “I do” before their man says so.

Last but not the least, we have the commitment phobic men. They fear expressing their love as expression strengthens a relation further and takes it a step nearer to commitment. So probably when we say men shy away, it’s like virtually saying they shy away from commitment, from responsibility and from solemnizing a relation with a strong and firm foundation. Men can commit to education, career, work and to hobbies and their passions, but when it comes to committing to a girl they get jitters that shake them to the core. Man-Woman relationship has always been a point of contention and it will remain so for many years to come. It is because this relation is so very dynamic; it has so many unpredictable and irrational dimensions. It is in simple words human behavior that changes each moment, each day. Women feel men are less expressive but may be it’s just in the relative sense, as men believe women are over expressive.:-)

There are questions in life that don’t have exact answers and when questions pertain to relationships, there can’t be any politically and emotionally correct ones. So for all those men out their who had been inexpressive in voicing their deepest emotions hidden inside the core of their heart, just know that faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy. All you hot hunks, and cool guys out there just take it easy. If you have faith in your heart and love in your sight, just go ahead and bring the two together and say it, say it aloud to the girl of your dreams, to your fiancée, or even to the beautiful lady whom you married 10 years ago. The magic of those three golden word, ”I Love you” will fill your life with a new meaning each time you say them. So don’t shy away, just express, and express with a charm, with an attitude that sweeps your girl off her feet.

And for all you women out there, here’s a little piece of advice,

Men are strange creatures,
They’ll hate you; they’ll irritate you,
They’ll call you emotional fools,
They’ll tease you with stupid names,
They’ll deny you; they’ll defy you,
They can be shy or bold,
But their breaths are in your hold,
Beneath all fears, beneath all pretence,
The truth prevails; they cant live without you,
Yes, indeed, Oh! Woman, the man is incomplete without you!!!

So try understanding your man and smile till I login again :-)

I am SHE!

Excuse me.. Before you jump to any conclusion from the title that the post is about Sushmita Sen's newly launched platform about choosing Miss Universe participant from the country, it has nothing to do with it. Somehow for the contents that I am going to pour in the next few stanzas, I could not find a better caption. Also a warning for all the boys, the post can be really boring for you, as for the female gang, I am sure you would love to read this... :-) Still the boys can also give it a shot, if they are fond of reading or if they are a fan of my writings:-)

"Elegance" and "Charisma" are characteristics of a true woman, a subtle smile can win more hearts than a loud laughter, a shy twinkle in the eye can be more captivating than a candid eye contact, those tiny-miny shorts can look really hot & sexy but an elegant evening dress or a stylish sari can gather much more attention, a graceful walk can add a strong feminine factor to someone’s persona, the art of laying the table can fetch more appreciation than ways of handling a high profile board meeting, pampering at a spa, diamonds and handbags, long silky hair left unopened, high heels & perfectly pedicured feet, makes you feel "SHE". Have you ever wondered that where did you actually learnt these gestures that make you a WOMAN, that make you FEMININE.

Just go back in time and you would find the answer. While growing up you were always taught to be “prim & proper” when you went out to play, a birthday party, or a fancy dress, you were asked to "behave yourself" when there were guests at home, you were taught to be polite and nice, even in your all guys gang you were supposed to behave like a “girl”, it was you who got “barbies and soft toys” as birthday gifts:-) (makes me feel nostalgic). Unknowingly, you were being taught to grow up as a symbol of femininity, to grow up as a model of grace, to grow up to be a "perfect woman"...

I am sure my article might grab the attention of a lot of feminists who might not agree with my viewpoint and may blame me for representing women as demure, docile, weak and just an object of desire, so let me clarify I have no such intention, and being a young girl of the new millennium, I am all for a world full of independent and confident women. But there would always be things that makes a woman feel truly feminine, and the pleasure of being so, is all for herself to enjoy. After all, which girl does not like to look beautiful, feel beautiful, on the outside as well the inside. Though, femininity is something that a woman is born with, its there within her, in her heart, in her mind, in her body and in her soul. It’s something that makes a woman happy, confident, and lucky to be born as a woman:-) So, what’s the harm, if some women want to glorify their womanhood or polish their girlish charms by adding something external, which could be perfumes, flowers, dresses, heels, lipsticks, bangles, danglers and the list is endless… There are many for whom femininity is about being pampered by your man, being completely spoilt by your boyfriend, getting married, or for that matter experience the charms of motherhood...

A feminine woman can at the same time be a successful bureaucrat, a top notch CEO, an enthusiast sportsperson, so and so forth. These are just opposite faces of the same coin. Every dimension of being a woman are present in every girl, it depends on an individual that which of these dimensions are dominant. But, you may ask any woman, of any age group, all of them want to look, feel and be feminine. It is kind of inherent. And so is true with men, given an option any guy would want her girl to have the grace of talk, walk, attitude and persona. It’s the softness of "her" words that attract him more than her knowledge on "politics and economy". There are many women who might have enjoyed the thrill of being tom boyish, being in a rowdy gang of guys, doing all sorts of boyish stuff from climbing trees to playing video games, to go on treks and adventurous car rides, to get drunk and try being a chain smoker. But all that can never match the ecstasy of getting pampered at a spa, getting a sexy haircut, shopping endlessly for clothes and accessories, getting your make up done at a parlor, the thrill and excitement of wearing a sari for the first time in your life, the first time a guy holds your hand, the moment of entering your wedding hall, the feeling you got when you got into your bridal outfit…

I know of so many friends who had never even filed their nails in their teens, and now, in their 20's they want everything to be perfect from their hair to hands to feet. Every accessory they own is like a precious piece of gold for them, they wait for an occasion to dress up in a typical Indian outfit, they want every crease on their “much envied by others” black dress to be just right... (mind you I am talking of girls who have spent their quarter of their lives in ganjis and shorts). At some moment or other a girl's feminine side always comes out of the closet and makes her feel like a princess. "Naaz aur Nakhre" is what makes a woman feminine. "Sharam aur Haya" is what makes a “girl” transform into a “woman”. And the transformation can actually be the most beautiful and memorable phase of a girl’s life.

Femininity is something that makes you realize that you are the creator of life. So you deserve to feel and be special in your own right. Its when you value yourself, its when you feel lucky to have been born as a woman, its when your smile says more you’re your words, its when your walk adds to the elegance of your attire, its when you can be confident and demure at the same time, its when you change into a skirt from a business casual you become an all together different woman, its when you feel truly truly beautiful, its when you can make your partner feel like the luckiest man on earth by the thought of having you by his side...
Its when there comes a voice from your inner self that, I AM SHE:-)

So till I login again, feel feminine and smile your way to being a true woman from the inside and the outside...

I strive for...

In search of the lanes that lead to eternal peace,
In search of the beauty that lead to mystical realms of life,
With every twinkle of the stars and with sun’s every ray,
I slog and I strive,
Strive to achieve the best,
Strive to live the dreams,
And fulfill the unending desires…

Longing for the day,
When smiles will reflect true joy,
When laughters won’t be artificial,
When happiness in every form will be real…
Behind the eyes that sparkle with sheen,
Lies the innocence of tears,
My life and the aura that surrounds is just so pretentious…

What goes behind the mirror of what people see,
When the world from its compulsions set me free,
Emotions that are for none but just for me…
I strive hard but some feelings can’t just be put into words,
Few couplets that I write,
May give someone pleasure and peace,
The pain that goes in every word I pen down,
A heart that hurts, a moment that’s still,
Life, a journey, with every step seems higher up the hill…

You know the girl in me,
The friend, the lover and even the poet,
But no one recognizes the spark that defines me,
The spark that brightens as well burns within me…
Brighten the gardens of many around,
Burns to reach the unknown destination that I still haven’t found….

Success that lasts too short a while,
Discontentment embraces the sphere of life,
A confusion that embraces mind and heart,
Mysteries and surprises, some pleasant and some weird ones,
That are life’s integral part…

Living with the odds, is called life,
Losers lose the right to smile,
Survivors are the one’s who learn to strive….
Strive to achieve the best,
Strive to live the dreams,
And fulfill the unending desires…

So that proves me to be the winner amongst all,
I have learnt to smile after all those odd falls,
And make the most of this journey called life, that is in it’s essence too small….